A Little Gray Matter

Update

2009-12-27T01:34:00.001-05:00

The following is a note that I (Jeff) posted to facebook after about 4 hours of late night typing and much thought. I am posting it on the blog for a few who aren’t on facebook (what is wrong with you anyway??)

Since everyone was so kind to post encouraging comments, and keep me in their prayers I thought that it was only fair that I give a proper update on my health situation. I’ll start by going back to the beginning of what is a little bit of a long story, but it is a long story of God’s grace towards me, an undeserving sinner.

In mid November I went to a routine checkup with my doctor. I told her that I had on occasion been experiencing chest pains that made me concerned about what was going on in my heart. She gave me an in office EKG and noticed that I had an irregular heartbeat – I believe that she called it a “bundle branch block” she said that because of my family history of heart problems she wanted me to undergo a nuclear stress test to look more closely at what was going on in my heart. I knew from my childhood that I have had an irregular heartbeat for quite some time, I mentioned this to her, so she had previous EKGs pulled the following day which confirmed that this was something that has been an ongoing issue and was not a major concern but was more of my “signature” heartbeat. I decided that what I was experiencing was probably just me feeling flutters and muscle issues from lifting heavy things, etc. but I decided to go thru with the test just to make sure – providentially our health insurance deductible being met was a deciding factor in me getting the stress test because the doctor didn’t really think that I had anything serious going on at my age.

I went for the two part nuclear stress test on December 1st and 2nd. The first day I had to run on the treadmill and tell the nurses when I thought I was one minute away from being at the point where I didn’t feel like I could go on any more and then they would inject me with radioactive dye that would settle in the arteries that supply my heart muscle. After the treadmill portion of the test I had to wait 45 minutes and then have my heart photographed over a period of about another 45 minutes (I got a nice nap while laying on the machine). Several times during this day I was told that the results from the first days testing would be read that afternoon or evening and that I may get a call telling me that I would not need to come back if the results clearly showed that my heart was ok – again, nobody thought that I would really be having any real issues at this point in my life. They also told me not to be concerned if I got a call asking me to come back for the second half of the test, and that if they did want me to come back it didn’t necessarily mean that they had found something bad. That evening I got the call from the hospital, they wanted me to come back. I wondered what that could mean…

I went in for the second half of the test on December 2nd and it was a pretty uneventful day. I had to be injected with more radioactive dye and then wait for 45 minutes and then be photographed for another 45 minutes in the machine. The technician told me that I should hear from my doctors office by the following Friday.
Friday December 4th rolled around and I didn’t hear anything from my doctor’s office by mid afternoon, so I called them. I spoke with the doctors nurse who told me that the test showed several areas that may indicate damage from previous heart attacks. I almost fell out of my chair. She didn’t say heart attack, she said, HEART ATTACKS!! I have to admit that I didn’t really know enough about the human heart to really know what any of this meant, but I knew that this wasn’t good. The nurse scheduled an appointment for me with a cardiologist for December 7th (the following Monday) By this point I was a bit of a nervous wreck, I was reading into EVERYTHING – for instance, this must be bad because they are getting me in so quick. My mind was just running crazy with not knowing what was going on.

On December 7th Betty and I went to meet my new cardiologist, Dr. Hogan. As I was sitting in the waiting room I was noticing that all of the patients were either really old, or really obese, not a little obese, but really obese… surely this must be an indicator that I didn’t really belong here.. at least not now… Dr. Hogan spent a fair amount of time with us, he explained that in people that are overweight (yes, that is me) the nuclear stress test sometimes had a hard time capturing good images of parts of the heart, and that the areas that the test is normally not particularly good at viewing were right where the abnormalities in my test were. He seriously didn’t think that anything was wrong with my heart, what a relief! He told us that he would rather prove what he suspected with a CT scan of my heart as opposed to just guessing – I’m sure that this has to do with fear of lawsuits as well. He told me that he thought that the test would come back fine, but that I did need to get my act together or in another 15 to 20 years that I would be back, and that I would be in bad shape, possibly the victim of a heart attack, etc. based on my cholesterol numbers. Betty and I left his office greatly encouraged and with great hope that this next test would cancel out the results of the first test, and with a realization that we would need to make some changes in our lifestyle.

December 9th we met with Doug Gray, who is a pastor at our church and also happened to have previously had a part time position as a technician in a heart catheter lab when he was at his previous church - I should add that both Betty and I had been talking with Doug many times over the previous weeks, and that he had been educating me on exactly how the heart works, how it was a pump, and how it had both its own plumbing and electrical system that allowed it to do it’s job – pumping blood. I love how Doug is able to put things in terms that I can understand, he has been a tremendous blessing to our family in many ways, he has helped us digest the information that we have been given, told numerous stories in our ABF about patients with heart problems (all of which have made me nauseous because I don’t handle blood well – even stories of blood, or anything blood related) and most importantly he has prayed with us countless times.

December 14th I went to Methodist hospital in Indianapolis for my heart CT scan. Several things happened that made me nervous, first the technicians and the doctor who was administering my test acted confused as to why I was having this test when I had “passed” a stress test in Mid November. I sat up on the table and told them that I had not taken any test in November, I very clearly stated that my nuclear stress test was administered on December 1st and 2nd at Clarian Arnett hospital in Lafayette Indiana. They acted confused and went back to their room on the other side of the window to talk and hover over a computer for several minutes. They came back to me and told me that evidently there was more than one Jeffrey B. Gray and that the records had somehow all been merged into one single file. I made them tell me my name, date of birth, name of the doctor who ordered the test, and confirmed that I was indeed getting a heart CT scan. I was a little nervous that somehow or another I was going to be given the wrong test. They were able to answer the questions to my satisfaction so I let them proceed. I tried to joke with the nurse (to ease my tension) by asking if she would let me sleep during the test – she replied by saying “honey, when I get this massive needle in your arm there is no way you are going to be able to sleep” I’d like to point out to any nurses who read this that this is not the best thing to say to a guy who literally hates needles! She gave me my IV and it wasn’t bad at all, and then she took my blood pressure and asked me if my blood pressure normally was as high as it was, I told her yes, that it normally is high after I am told that I am going to get “stuck” with the biggest needle that they have… It isn’t rocket science really… The rest of the test was uneventful, and pretty fast. They administer a medication that slows your heart down to a point where they can keep the machine in time with the beating of the heart, this allows them to take numerous pictures of “slices” of your heart. Truly an amazing thing! The experience made me feel like I was in an episode of stargate because the machine has all kinds of red LED lights behind a dark screen and the thing is literally FLYING inside it’s housing… At the end of the test I was told by the doctor/technician that I did have some blockage and that I would need to have a follow up appointment with my cardiologist to discuss whether he would treat it with medication or in another way. Yeah, that is a little scary, but if I was in bad shape they wouldn’t let me leave the hospital – right?

On Tuesday December 15th I called my doctor’s office around mid afternoon and spoke to Liz, his nurse. She told me that the doctor was just finishing up talking to my wife and asked if I wanted to wait and talk to him. I opted to call home in a minute and get the scoop on what was happening from Betty, because I could sense that something was not good, and Betty knows me well enough to know how to dose out enough information to me at a time that I don’t pass out or throw up. I called home and she very carefully told me that I had one artery that was 90% blocked, and “other areas” where the doctor wanted to “check out” she also told me that I was scheduled for an angiogram and potential stent placement that coming Friday December 18th. I got off of the phone and just set there in stunned silence for a while… I seriously have no idea how long I just sat there in a daze before I picked up the phone and called Doug. His first words to me were “It is going to be all right” Betty had already spoken with him and filled him in on everything. Doug comforted me, and prayed with me. I can’t thank him enough for his encouragement.

My emotions were all over the place for the rest of the day. When I went home and seriously thought of this, and talked with Betty it became clear to me that for whatever reason, this was not without a reason! God was at work. No doubt about it. You either believe that HE has control or not, I choose to believe that he is in control and that ALL things that he does work together for my Good, because I DO love him (Romans 8:28) This is a trial, it is something that he has allowed to come into my life and every trial is an opportunity to be a STEWARD of that trial. My thoughts turned to my friend Rafe Refior who is a deacon at our church, Rafe fell from a stepladder in July of 2008 and severely broke both of his legs in a way that was truly horrible and painful, to this day he is still undergoing surgeries to correct the damage, and even subsequent surgeries to fix the infection caused by previous surgeries. Thru all of this Rafe has been an amazing example to me of how a Christian can handle trials. I’ve heard many people say that God is in control all the time only to not actually perform as if this is true when life is hard for them – Rafe didn’t do that – I’ve never heard him talk about how bad this was, I’ve heard him talk about how it was a BLESSING, how he grew closer to his wife than he ever thought possible just by the fact that his legs were broken and his care was her primary concern. Rafe had been a shining example to me of how a trial could be handled, and I decided right there in my recliner that I was going to be a good steward of the trial that God had allowed to come into my life. I can’t even begin to describe to you the peace that came over me, it was tangible.. I’m not kidding.. I seriously felt right then and there as if I had the empowerment of the Holy Spirit just holding me up. As I write this I am recalling this experience and it literally brings tears to my eyes and makes my chest feel funny.. I really wish my chest wouldn’t feel funny. I won’t say that I never had another fear because that would be a lie, but I will say that remembering that this was a stewardship opportunity for me had a calming effect.

Friday December 18th arrived sooner than I wished. I had to be at the hospital at 8am to get prepped for my “procedure” as they called it. I’d rather call it surgery.. that makes me feel justified for being jittery and I just feel like a wuss for being so jittery for a “procedure”

Betty and I arrived at the hospital and got to spend some time with my mom, my grandma Beulah, Betty’s mom, Pastor Dutton, and Pastor Gray. I was admitted and went back to get prepped for the procedure. We were blessed because Janice Dupree (someone from our church who I didn’t even really know) had called in after seeing my name in the Faith Prayer email and asked a certain nurse (Brooke) to take care of me. Brooke was absolutely a Godsend, she literally spent the entire day with me – from nearly 8am till when we left at around 9pm. She was such a wonderful caregiver, and truly made the experience more bearable for me. I asked Brooke to take a sharpie and write all over my body to sedate me fully because I didn’t want to be awake. I’m serious – I would have been happy to have SEDATE ME 110% written all over my face arms and legs just to make certain that I was OUT!! If

I waited till sometime after noon before I was taken to the cath room because there were about three emergencies that bumped me back in line, but as Doug pointed out via text message, it is “good” not to be a priority when you are there.

I was wheeled into the procedure room and I remember looking at the monitors and all of the neat equipment. I remember that it was cold.. I remember thinking that it must be cold so that they don’t sweat in all their scrubs.. I told the technicians that I didn’t want to remember ANYTHING and that I didn’t want to be awake for the procedure, they told me not to worry. I remember the doctor poking my wrist, and then thinking that I wanted to ask him not to do it to my wrist, but to do it further up my arm – I’m funny about my wrists, I don’t even wear a watch because things on my wrists bother me. I have vague recollections of voices and things… and seeing the x-ray machine or whatever it was moving around the table.. all things that once made it seem as if I had never been asleep.. but now I’m sure I was out cold. Next thing I know I have the sense that that I am done and going back to the recovery room. I remember Betty being there and the doctor telling me that I had two 100% blockages and that they did not place stents.

I was reeling.. what did this mean? I had to go thru all of this and I’m not even FIXED?? Are you kidding me? And then Doug was there, and he explained to me that it really was a Miracle.. That I indeed did have two total blockages, but that God had caused my heart to grow additional capillaries in the affected area, and that the capillaries had basically taken up the slack for what the artery had been doing before.

So basically the sum total of the story is this: I’m ok, my heart works for now, but I do have heart disease and total blockage of two arteries. I have to make a radical change in my lifestyle – the way that I eat and beginning to exercise regularly. My whole life, and the wellbeing of my family depends on me successfully doing this. The stewardship opportunity is not over yet, and it will not be over till the day that my heart beats its final time. I am committed to winning this battle, and Betty, my best friend in this whole world is at my side and helping me to make wise choices regarding food at nearly every step. After some of the information had settled into both of our minds Betty told me that the “nice Betty” who fed me whatever I wanted and as much as I wanted was GONE, and that she had been by dictator Betty who was going to do whatever it took to help me eat right. I am going to do my best to win this battle.

I want to specifically thank Mark and Doug for coming to pray with me, and for the many times that both of you have lifted me up in prayer over the last couple of weeks. Thank you Doug for just being Doug, and knowing me, and caring for me. You were there right when I needed you, right when I was able to process the information that was being given to me. You helped me see how God had provided for me when all that I could focus on was that I wasn’t fixed. Maybe I am just being selfish in thinking this, but maybe God has kept you at our church just because he knew that I would need you. I even want to thank you for the analogies related to your cath lab days that make me squirm in my seat in ABF – those analogies and the things you had to say to us are what made me talk to my doctor. Thank you for your friendship, and for your constant concern for our family.

I were to rate things that I don’t ever want to experience in life I would have to say that an angiogram ranks right up there with alien abduction and probing. Nothing that I ever wanted to experience, but in hindsight the worst part of it was the IV – from then on it was all downhill and the recovery has been painless. Please, if anyone reading this ever has to have an angiogram, don’t worry, it isn’t bad at all.

Lastly, I want to thank my very very very best friend in all the whole world, my hero, the human that I could not have made it thru this without, my wife Betty. Honey, you truly are a blessing from God. I thank him for you and for your love, for holding my hand and helping me get thru this part of my life. I love you, and I truly am a better person just by knowing you. I love you with all of my heart.

Jeffrey B Gray (the one that didn't have a stress test in mid November)

Bath Night...

2009-06-04T17:56:00.000-04:00

A boy and his bear

2009-05-31T22:09:00.000-04:00

Two of daddy's girls....

2009-04-21T21:46:00.000-04:00

New addition to the Gray Family

2009-04-21T21:43:00.001-04:00

Please welcome Einstein Gray

We're hoping that naming him Einstein will produce more favorable results than Dipstick..

Only time will tell...

Rainy day fun!

2009-04-19T16:51:00.001-04:00

Found

2009-04-15T18:36:00.002-04:00

Jason is in a safe place, for now. Thank you for all who prayed, and who even looked.

Looking for Jason

2009-04-14T23:33:00.003-04:00

I am looking for my brother, Jason. It is very important that we find him, so if anyone out there reading my blog (does anyone even still read this????) please email me immediately.

Thanks!

betty.gray@comcast.net

First Cookie!

2009-02-01T18:48:00.000-05:00

Jack singing to daddy

2009-01-09T20:44:00.001-05:00

Just plain funny!

2008-12-30T15:32:00.000-05:00

Happy 7 month birthday Gracie!!!

2008-12-30T15:31:00.000-05:00

Happy 7 month birthday Gracie!

2008-12-30T15:30:00.000-05:00

2008-12-25T10:12:00.001-05:00

2008-12-25T10:08:00.001-05:00

2008-12-24T21:37:00.003-05:00

2008-11-16T23:00:00.000-05:00

Election Contemplation

2008-10-30T10:57:00.001-04:00

Obama vs. Scott and Janet Willis

Reverend Scott and Janet Willis, whose six children were killed in a tragic accident involving a truck driver who had obtained his commercial drivers license through bribery, drive three hours to the state capital in Springfield to testify in favor of a “Choose Life” license plate; proceeds from the specialty license plate would be used to help fund adoption expenses. Echoing pro-abortion groups, Obama calls the issue “contentious.” NARAL calls it "aggressive propaganda," and the vice president of the Illinois National Organization for Women calls it "a violation of free speech." Reporters fill the hearing room, eager to record the expected emotional Willis testimony; Obama calls only his friendly witnesses, ignores Scott and Janet Willis, and then abruptly adjourns the hearing. Obama reconvenes the hearing the next day, after the reporters have returned to Chicago, listens to testimony, and then has his Democrat-controlled committee kill the legislation. [412,413,414]

We need to somehow get this out to the voting public.....

A Gathering

2008-10-10T21:08:00.002-04:00

Please see thebrokeringfamily.blogspot.com for details regarding Warren's funeral. In short, the viewing will be on Monday, 4-8 p.m. (ha--good luck getting us all through THAT line in just four hours), and funeral on Tuesday from 1-3.

The services will be held in Terre Haute, IN, just 2 hours from my house. I know that there could possibly be a great number of people traveling from Wisconsin and other parts of Northern Indiana and Illinois. Jeff and I would like to open our home in case someone needs a place to stay on the way. Because our son Bryan is flying in to Indianapolis on Monday, we most likely will not be attending the viewing, but our plan is to leave sometime Tuesday morning to attend the funeral. We have a guest room with a queen size bed, and a basement with a very comfy couch. Either place is open to anyone in need, so please let us know if you'd like to stay over. I am anticipating a Maranatha alumni gathering the likes of which we've not seen in a long time. It is painful that we should meet this way, but let's face it, Warren would love it! My guess is that he would probably come up with some kind of skit and silly outfit to wear just for the occasion! So don't hesitate to contact us if you'd like to stop by. We'd love to have you!

Finally Home

2008-10-10T15:42:00.002-04:00

The wait is finally over for Warren. Please keep the rest of the family in your prayers.

From the Brokering's blog.....

Warren Brokering, husband, father, pastor, and friend went home to be with his Lord this afternoon, October 10, 2008, at 2:55 p.m. (ET). He was surrounded by his wife, Tana, his family, and dear friends. He is no longer in pain, and he is now face to face with Christ his Savior. Although his passing is painful, we are rejoicing with him as he enters a new, eternal life with Jesus.

At this time funeral arrangements are being made, and will be posted as soon as they are finalized. The family is asking that you respect their privacy and refrain from directly calling. Comments on the blog and emails are welcome. Please feel free to call Brett Marker with condolences and requests for information. Brett can be reached on his cell phone at 734-968-5135, and through email at brett.a.marker@jpmchase.com.

Thank you for your love and prayers during this difficult time.

2 Timothy 4:7-8

“I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith: Henceforth there is laid up for me a crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous judge, shall give me at that day: and not to me only, but unto all them also that love his appearing.”

From Jeff Estes

2008-10-10T11:19:00.000-04:00

"I just got off the phone with the hospital. Warren is sleeping comfortably, but still with us."

Whence Cometh My Help

2008-10-10T10:58:00.002-04:00

Still no news.

I Will Lift My Eyes

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now
God, be near, calm my fear and take my doubt
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, let mercy sing her melody over me and
God, right here, all I bring is all of me
Your kindness is what pulls me up
Your love is all that draws me in

I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

'Cause You are and You were and You will be forever the Lover I need to save me 'Cause You fashioned the earth and You hold it together, God so hold me now

I will lift my eyes to the Maker of the mountains I can't climb
I will lift my eyes to the Calmer of the oceans raging wild
I will lift my eyes to the Healer of the hurt I hold inside
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You
I will lift my eyes, lift my eyes to You

God, my God, I cry out
Your beloved needs You now

3:22 a.m.

2008-10-10T08:36:00.001-04:00

Berkeley received a text message saying that Warren was in the final stage, and to pray that he be taken quickly. Nothing since then.

7:39 p.m. ET

2008-10-09T19:38:00.002-04:00

Jeff Estes is on the phone with Tana right now. Warren is still very much aware of his surroundings when he is awake. She says, "this man is such a fighter, and he is not going down easy"! But so far, still not much of a change from before.

Some news

2008-10-09T17:07:00.003-04:00

I just spoke with Berk, who just spoke with Brett Marker. Brett is there in the hospital with Warren and Tana. Warren is in and out of consciousness. When he wakes he is anxious and agitated. They are giving him morphine and Adavan (forgive the spelling) for his pain and breathing. Unfortunately, with each time his breathing dips, they try to get him back up to the level he was previously at, with no success. He is only breathing about 20 respirations an hour now. It will not be long. Please pray for Tana. She had tried to get some sleep, am not sure how successful it was, but at least she rested for a while. I will update as I receive news.

CORRECTION--Warren is breathing 20 respirations per minute, NOT HOUR. So sorry about the typo. Was trying to type too fast!

Please Pray

2008-10-08T18:44:00.002-04:00

Please pray for my friends, Warren and Tana Brokering. Warren has been battling lung cancer for some time now, and it appears that he may be in the last few hours of his life. I just spoke with Tana on the phone and was able to share some verses and pray with her. What a blessing she was.....even through her tears. I am sure it is all very surreal. They have three children under the age of eight. Please be praying for them. They knew that he was declining, but had no idea that it would come this quickly.

Warren is awake and aware of what is happening. He was told just today that he will most likely not make it through the weekend. He is taking it well. Dave Martins and his family are on the way from Minnesota, but it is a 16 hour trip. Please pray that if it is God's will, they will make it in time.

Tana said to me, "God is good". And he is.

Look Familiar?

2008-10-08T14:46:00.002-04:00

Shoulder to Shoulder

2008-10-03T12:20:00.002-04:00

This has been a time for adjustment in our family. The addition of two children into the daily routine of our family has been a wonderful change, and, at times, a serious challenge. Jack went from being an “only child” to being the “middle child” in a very short amount of time. I daresay that the change has been hardest for him, but because he is only 2 (almost 3!) it is more difficult for him to truly voice his feelings. And so he acts out, making an already crazy household that much more crazy. I have often thought to myself, “What would I do without Jeff”? I know women who have done it, either because they’ve lost their husbands to death, or they are in the military, or have simply been abandoned by their husbands. If you were to ask each one how they are possibly getting through life, they would tell you that is not in their own strength.

Recently, I have had several friends going through deep waters. One I will mention by name, Lisa, who is experiencing extreme physical difficulties, life-threatening even. Please pray for her, her husband, and two small children, who have physical difficulties of their own. I have other friends making a stand for Christ, and facing difficulties because of it. Some of the things my friends are experiencing has had me plain old mad at Satan, and so I went out this morning to work out some aggression on the ornamental grass that has taken over the plants in my retaining ring. Earlier I had read an email, and was struck by the phrase “stand shoulder to shoulder”. As I worked, I began to think about that phrase, and was truly grateful that I can say that through the adjustment trials we have been experiencing I have my dear husband standing shoulder to shoulder with me. But what if there was no one? The phrase is defined “to support one another at a difficult time”. It made me think of a modern phrase, “got your back”. This has a combat meaning, where two soldiers, surrounded by the enemy, stand back to back to ward off attack. What if no one had my back?

Psalm 16:8 says, “I have set the LORD always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken”. In the battles of our daily lives, and in the extreme trials assigned to us by God, there is One who stands shoulder to shoulder and back to back with us. Jesus Christ. Because He is standing at my right hand, and all around me, I will not be shaken or moved. He is the King, the ultimate Bridegroom, the Victorious Warrior.

My prayer today for my friends would be that whatever giant they are facing, they would know without a doubt that Jesus Christ is standing shoulder to shoulder with them, and as others fall away, He will remain unchangeable, unshakeable, and unstoppable.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This Cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm
What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My Comforter, my All in All
Here in the love of Christ I stand

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save
‘Til on that cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For every sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave He rose again
And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost its grip on me
For I am His and He is mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt of life, no fear in death
This is the power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny
No power of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘til He returns or calls me home
Here in the power of Christ I’ll stand

I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED!!

2008-09-26T11:44:00.000-04:00

Don't anyone DARE try to rescue me!

Bart Gray: 7 of 9

2008-09-23T19:05:00.001-04:00

No we aren't talkin star trek lingo - it is actually 7 of 9 lives......

EDIT: Ok, a little background information is needed. This is our Tom, our Hunter-Extraordinaire, able to take down large squirrels and rabbits with ease. This also happens to be the same cat who, last month, we thought had been tragically killed in a roadside accident, only to find out that it was NOT our Bart, but the neighbors barn cat. On Friday, Bryan came in the house and said that Jeff needed me outside to doctor one of the cats. I went out thinking that I would see chewed ears and scratched eyes, but to my horror I found Bart with a 3-4 inch HOLE chewed in his side. We're talking visible insides here, folks. I immediately told Jeff he needed to get him to the vet. It would seem that some animal, we're thinking coyote (s), must have held him down and nawed on him. This is really something for us, given that Bart is a very strong kitty. Whatever it was must have been big, and didn't win. So, Bart spent the weekend at our neighborhood vet, getting all stitched up and vaccinated. He seems none-the-less for wear! Welcome home, Bart!

Happy birthday Veronica!!!

2008-09-07T14:15:00.000-04:00

Happy 14th birthday Bryan!

2008-09-05T20:54:00.000-04:00

2008-08-30T14:15:00.000-04:00

Fun at Indiana beach!!!

2008-08-30T13:56:00.000-04:00

2008-08-30T13:24:00.000-04:00

We are at Indiana Beach!

Busy Days

2008-08-23T08:29:00.002-04:00

Grace is 12 weeks old! Hard to believe, since we just brought her home yesterday. She smiles, laughs and coos everytime we talk to her. She is generally a really good baby. Jack really seems to love her, which, how could you NOT!!!

It is Saturday morning and Jack and I are the only ones up (of course, since Jack wakes up at 7:30 a.m. every morning). We made coffee--yes--Jack drinks coffee, and we are just waiting for an appropriate time to go "jump on Daddy, jump on Bubba". Jeff will be home ALL day today, and we're planning to just hang around the house and tackle some projects that have been waiting and waiting and waiting.......

Bryan has started his new school and seems to really be enjoying it! He also has started soccer, and although he doesn't like all the running, I think that he likes playing. He has never played organized soccer before, so this was a bit of a challenge for him. He is going to be playing goalie, and informed us last night that he was third in line to play. Yay, we said, thinking, oh boy, he probably won't get to play very much. But then he told us some terrible news....the second place goalie broke his ankle in practice last night! Very, very sad for the goalie, and to be honest, Bryan was very concerned for him. But that does move him up a little bit :-) So I guess I need to find him those size 14 soccer cleats. BTW, if anyone out there in blogdom has and old pair of size 14 (we'd even take 13) soccer cleats, PLEASE let us know!

Well, it's time to go wake the boys and make blueberry pancakes! Thank you Prelock Blueberry Farm!

Have a wonderful day! I'll try to post more pics later today since Jeff is home and will be able to help me get them off my camera!

2008-08-16T19:01:00.000-04:00

2008-08-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

Jack at the zoo

2008-08-15T16:43:00.000-04:00

A boy and his tractor

2008-08-15T16:24:00.000-04:00

Misc. Important Events

2008-08-12T10:06:00.004-04:00

Wow.

First, I have to say that I have been so incredibly busy that my blog has, sadly, taken a HUGE backseat to LIFE. Bet you hadn't figured that out yet.

Second, my computer has been DOWN and OUT for, oh, I don't know, about a month, I think. I had a backup laptop from Jeff, but it just isn't the same and, well, I just haven't been making it a priority (see above paragraph).

Third, now that all that is out of the way I will try to catch up, in a very quick sort of fashion.

May 30--Had a baby, Grace Renae
June--Took care of said baby, tried to help my two year-old adjust to baby, had family crisis, did many lawn projects.
July--More taking care of baby, Jack doing better with baby, running Bry to church events, sleepovers, etc., had surgery, recovered from surgery, said goodbye to Bry for a month, more lawn projects.
August--Bry came back home, and we started getting him ready for school. Lots of new things to learn there and I'm a little nervous that he will miss something and it will be all my fault for not being on top of things. He starts soccer practice today! Jeff went away to Minnesota for a week, and we miss him terribly! He's been sending us text messages and pictures of where he is at, and that really helps. Grace is 10 weeks old! She is bubbly and bright and really fun to play with. She also has already rolled over once! Wooo hoooo! I'm struggling with the last few pounds of baby weight, but I'm trying not to get upset since I had 6 weeks of recovery from the baby and another 3 weeks after surgery, so I haven't been "cleared" to do any sort of rigorous exercise until just recently. Not that I've started doing it now.......anyway. Grace has been sick with her first cold and had a really miserable day yesterday. She's sleeping alot today, and that is really good. Jack started DAYCARE today. There is a daycare just down the road from us that I have had Jack registered with for months, but just have been unable (emotionally) to let him go. He even points at it when we go past and says, "Go that, mommy". Jeff called and made the arrangements for me (which was good because if left to me it probably would NEVER have happened), and this morning I took him and left him there. Sigh.....sniff......sigh. He seemed fine. I don't think he really understood that I was leaving him there, because I didn't really say goodbye. He was just playing out in the playground, and I left him there. Sigh......it was really very hard. BUT, here I am, for the first time in weeks, blogging. Thank you, honey, for helping me take this step. He'll only be there for a few hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

I'll conclude with a few pictures, and let you know that I am really into Facebook, and that you can view more photos there if you want. I'll be happy to be friends with you! I like FB because I can control who is viewing all my photos, and it's very quick and easy. Instead of blogging a whole long epistle I can keep people updated with one liners in my status bar. I plan to keep the blog up and running, but as you can see, it's not something I can do everyday. However, it only takes a couple of minutes to update my status and check everyone else's status, so right now, that is the way to keep track of us. Sorry, blogger!

Gaylene doing a diaper!!

2008-08-03T20:33:00.001-04:00

2008-08-01T22:14:00.000-04:00

2008-08-01T22:04:00.000-04:00

2008-08-01T21:48:00.001-04:00

Talented Boy...

2008-07-31T23:01:00.001-04:00

A boy and his Gator...

2008-07-30T22:15:00.002-04:00

Ladies and Gentlemen, He is ALL boy...

Finally

2008-07-08T15:27:00.004-04:00

Here, finally, is a photo of Grace! I took it just before she laid down for her nap this afternoon, so you can hardly get more "updated" than that! I took the enormous memory card OUT of my camera and put the piddly little one back in.....voila! Pictures!

Also, this afternoon, my friend, Dana and her little boy Conner came over for some fun and we actually were able to get this picture of them playing together. At least, they played until Jack threw a fit and had to go to bed! Poor Jack.

Fun at Chuck E Cheeses

2008-07-05T20:08:00.000-04:00

I really should have started the betting ar $20

Stay Tuned

2008-07-02T10:17:00.002-04:00

We're having some technical difficulties, folks. Jeff's computer has puked on us (don't worry, we are all backed up, and he was able to get files off the computer), and so I have been unable to get my pictures off my camera (see previous posts on gigantic memory card). Since I know that you really don't want to heard long rambling posts about how CUTE Grace and Jack are, but would rather actually SEE for yourself, you're just gonna have to wait. Sorry!

In the meantime, I will leave you with this funny from Jack....

Upon the return from his first trip with ONLY Mommy to the Zoo, Jack was asked what he saw. He replied, "Cow poopies". Never mind the elephants, the sea lions, or petting the sharks in the shark tank. And, he was right, there WERE cow poopies.

Trip To The Store

2008-06-26T14:26:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to let y'all know that I got some more coffee filters.........we're more civilized now in our addictions.

The mark of a desperate mommy...

2008-06-24T06:30:00.001-04:00

Yes... Ladies and gentlemen... it truly is paper towel.

Some people will do anything for a "fix"

Posted by Jeff :)

Life in a minivan with jack..

2008-06-18T20:29:00.000-04:00

A Field of Pink Flowers

2008-06-10T15:36:00.002-04:00

Can you find the baby? She's the little peachy thing with smokey blue eyes in the middle of all those pink flowers! I just couldn't resist the temptation to gussy her all up and take this picture, even though she acted as though I were cutting off her arms. My goodness, she does NOT like having her clothes changed! What was worse, was that I immediately took the dress OFF of her so as to not give her the opportunity to spit up on it. It was totally a photo op, and once it was done, she got back into her jammies.

Gracie is doing just great! She eats ALL THE TIME, and when she's not eating, she is sleeping. The night before last she slept from midnight to 6 a.m. Last night she slept from 11 - 3, and 4 - 8 a.m., so she's just about got sleeping through the night mastered. I am still pretty tired from the nights of being up, and just regular recovery from the birth, but I'm starting to feel more and more like my old self. Last night I was so tired that I guess I didn't hear the huge clap of thunder, or Jack crying, or Jeff bringing Jack into our bed in the middle of the night. All I know is that when Grace finally woke me up at 3, Jack was in bed with us!

We have better news to report with Anne. We talked with her last night for the first time since she left, and things went much better. We were able to iron out a few issues, and there were some definite sounds of repentance that were not there before. We love her, and we will take her at her word, and in the meantime, we will be looking for the fruit of change in her life to know whether or not her repentance is genuine. Please continue to pray for her. We miss her every day.

Well, I better run. We're going to town tonight to buy Jack a sandbox! Oh, and in case you hadn't looked recently, I uploaded some new pictures to my facebook page.

Jump on daddy

2008-06-09T04:57:00.000-04:00

Catching My Breath

2008-06-05T09:48:00.003-04:00

Well, what a few days this has been! I certainly did not expect that coming home with a newborn would be easy, as a matter of fact, I knew that it would NOT be easy, but I wasn't quite expecting what has actually been occurring.

We came home on, gosh, was it Sunday? Yes, Sunday afternoon. By Sunday evening it was apparent that I had caught the same flu bug that Jack and my mother (and my mother-in-law as well) had been stricken with. As most moms know, no matter how clean you leave your house when he door closes behind you, when you come home, it's always a wreck, so on Monday the first order of the day was...order. Jeff mobilized the troops and spent the day organizing and pitching all kinds of stuff. You never know how much you can accumulate....the packaging for baby monitors, pacifiers, wrapping paper, hospital papers that you don't need, plus just unpacking all the stuff you brought home from the hospital! I tried to rest and recover as much as possible, but I was still needed to direct traffic and take care of Grace.

Tuesday was a little better flu-wise, although I was feeling pretty sore and "train-wrecked". Grace has her days and nights mixed up, so she sleeps great during the day and is awake and fussy mostly between the hours of 11p.m. - 4 a.m. Not much sleeping happens during that time frame.

While all of this normal "adjusting" was going on, we were having some discipline issues with Anne. This has been something we've been dealing with for some time now, and were very hopeful that her presence here, along with exposing her to godly friends and the youth group at church would be the catalyst that was needed for her to make some necessary changes to her life. Sadly, things culminated with her on Tuesday evening to such a point that an emergency "counseling" call to Mark and Laurie became necessary. Mark spoke very plainly and lovingly to her about the choices, and the consequences to the choices that she was making, but Anne has chosen at this point to harden her heart to God's truth. Because of the circumstances it became apparent that we would need to send her back home to GA to her mother. Tuesday night (actually by then it was Wednesday morning) we booked her a flight home, and after about 2 hours of sleep, Jeff got up and took her to Indy where she got on a plane home to GA without even saying a goodbye. We are heartbroken. We love her so much, and our hearts are literally raw with grief over her rejection of truth. I do not share this with you to shame her, but to ask you to pray for her and for us. If you know Anne and want to encourage her, please feel free to email me, and I will let you know how you can get in touch with her. She still claims to be a Christian, which means that her choices will only lead one way......the hard way. Pray for Bryan. He is quiet and hasn't expressed much, but we know that although he was prepared to eventually say "goodbye for now" to Anne at the end of the summer, this unexpected turn of events has shaken him. He has responded very well, and has encouraged her to "make better choices".

We have kept Jack busy, and so far I think that with all the commotion of the "new arrangement" of having a baby sister, he hasn't really processed yet that Anne is gone. I'm sure that as the days pass, he will start to realize that she is not just spending the night at a friends, and his questions will come. As for Grace, it is also sad for us that Anne is missing this precious new beginning, and that she has chosen willfully to miss it. Anne, if you are reading this, we LOVE you, we MISS you, and we wish you were here. Please make the choices that you know you need to make so that we can get past this time!

Well, as you can see, there is so much more happening in our lives than just the addition of little Gracie. She is absolutely beautiful, and we love her dearly. She is an encouragement to our hearts, and even her name is a reminder of what God has done for us in giving up His only Son to be the Redeemer of our hearts. Through these last few days I have been challenged over and over again by my own words to my hurting friends, words given to me by my friend, during time of past hurts of my own. Do I really believe that the truth of God's word trumps the pain of my experience? Do I really believe that God causes all things to work together for good, that I may be more like Christ? Do I really have this ambition...to be pleasing to Christ?

I do. I really do. So, I am going through my days with a renewed determination to look for Christ in every situation that presents itself, to hopefully be found faithful in the trials that He has given me, and to please Him in everything that I do. Please pray for us as we have this goal.

I will try to post some more pictures soon. I have a ton of them on my camera, but I have this unusual problem.....I have this gigantic new memory card for my camera, which is really cool, but it is so HUGE that I can't get my computer to recognize it, so the process to get the pictures off of it is more complicated than I would like, and requires me to log in to Jeff's computer and have his help getting the pictures off. So, as soon as we get a moment, we will try to upload the pictures to my facebook page.

Newsflash: Just spoke with Jeff and it would appear that the "BUG" has hit him at work. Poor daddy, he feels miserable. Aunt Gigi has come and whisked Jack away for the day, so I am now at home with Grace and Bryan. What shall I do first? Take a shower? Take a nap? Post on my blog? Well, I guess I will post this on my blog. :-)

Please pray for us!

Teeny tiny.....

2008-06-01T16:46:00.001-04:00

Ready to go home now...

2008-06-01T16:12:00.001-04:00

2008-06-01T15:24:00.001-04:00

Is this what I came out for???

2008-06-01T12:30:00.002-04:00

Close up...

2008-06-01T11:07:00.000-04:00

Gracie getting ready to eat...

2008-05-31T23:23:00.001-04:00

She eats almost as much as daddy!

Troy & Sherry discussing babies head sizes...

2008-05-31T19:05:00.000-04:00

Checking blogs...

2008-05-31T16:08:00.001-04:00

Grandma Beulah comes to visit.

2008-05-31T15:39:00.001-04:00

Lee comes to visit....

2008-05-31T15:19:00.001-04:00

Friends

2008-05-31T13:49:00.001-04:00

What Else Can I Say?

2008-05-30T21:15:00.002-04:00

I feel so much better.

Ha! I really do! I am sitting in my room while Jeff, Anne and Bryan are all down at the nursery watching Grace have her "head to toe" check, which should have happened hours ago, but didn't because of the tornado warning that we had. We were forced out into the hallway for almost an hour until the all-clear was given. During that time Grace slept peacefully in my arms.

She is really beautiful. I have so many reasons to be thankful to God for how this birth went. It was definitely more painful than Jack's, but it went so quickly that I didn't really have time to think about it. By the time I got completely checked in to my room, started the IV, started the pitocin, and had my water broken, it was after 12:00 p.m. I labored very lightly for about an hour, then the contractions started to pick up pretty good, so I asked for my epidural. I think I must have gotten that around 2:30 p.m. or so. I felt wonderful after that--and got settled in for a wait. We got the laptop all loaded up with catch-up episodes of LOST and was getting ready to watch, when I noticed that my contractions were starting to hurt again. So I turned over on my other side to see if that helped. It didn't. They continued to get worse, and then I noticed that they seemed to not stop. Due to where they were hurting, my nurse got suspicious and checked me....I was at an 8. This was around 3:30 p.m., I think. They called Dr. W and started getting the room ready. About ten minutes later they checked again, and I was complete at 10. By this time I felt like I was in agony. It hurt horribly bad, but I knew that I was close because I had the desire to grind my teeth. I had to wait a few minutes for Dr. W to get all suited up, but then I started pushing. I was really encouraged because everyone was "ooooohing and ahhhhing" and telling me that I was just doing great. I think I only pushed for about 15 minutes, and then she was out! Immediate relief! It was a very emotional time for both of us. I couldn't help but think of little baby Blessing, and how much I had missed that baby, and yet at the same time, I was so overwhelmed with love and gratitude for this new little life that the Lord saw fit to give us.

From there on it's been wonderful and I'm feeling really great. Grace ate her first meal of formula, and gobbled up a whole ounce and a half! Then she slept for almost 4 hours! I imagine that when they bring her back to me from the nursery, she'll be ready for her second feeding.

Thank you all for your prayers and wonderful comments. Thank you, Danna for the incredibly sweet email earlier today. We love you all and are so grateful to be bringing our baby girl into a world where there are godly people already waiting to love her.

Here are some of my favorite pictures from the afternoon:

Our new arrival

2008-05-30T17:19:00.000-04:00

We are proud to introduce our daughter Grace Renae Gray born at 4:04 pm weighing 6 pounds and 14.8 ounces. She is 19.5 inches long and absolutely beautiful. Mom is feeding Grace her first meal. God is good!

Update...

2008-05-30T15:46:00.000-04:00

Bettys epidural does not seem to be working well. She is at 8cm right now and people are hauling carts of stuff into the rom this may go really quick. Please pray for her.

Quick update

2008-05-30T15:07:00.001-04:00

Betty has her epidural now and we are just waiting for labor to progress. She is currently dilated to 4 and the doc broke her water. No turning back now! She is very comfortable-we love epidurals.... Just can't hack seeing them administered...

Jeff is n0t letting me review the pictures he is posting...

2008-05-30T15:06:00.001-04:00

Ready to roll!

2008-05-30T10:32:00.001-04:00

Here we are all ready to go!

Going Somewhere

2008-05-30T08:14:00.002-04:00

We've just been called and told that we can come. I'm not really sure if that means we'll be admitted right away or not. I have to go to the doc's office now and be seen by him first. I guess that is because he's already in his office getting ready for the day. So we're getting ready to leave for Lafayette.

Pray for my mom, who is watching Jack. It would seem that she has caught his bug.

Tremendous Progress Made Already!

2008-05-30T06:13:00.001-04:00

Well, actually, it's not even 7 o'clock and the hospital just called to say that all the beds are full, and I should call back by nine to see if any have opened up.

Just keep swimming.....just keep swimming.....

A Little Glitch

2008-05-29T16:30:00.002-04:00

Pray for little Jack-Jack, if you will. A couple of days ago he told us that his belly was hurting, and then he threw up a couple of times. He seemed much better yesterday, although he is not really wanting to eat much. Today he woke up with "bad poopies" and has continued to have what I can only describe as "horrible, no-good, very, very bad poopies" most of the day! Poor little guy. Anyway, since daddy and I are pretty much out of the picture as of 7 a.m. tomorrow, we feel really bad for him to be so sick right now. Just pray that he doesn't get dehydrated and have to be taken to the doctor. That task would fall to my mom, Memaw, who is staying with him while the baby is born. She, of course, would do it, but I know it would be stressful for her, and probably a bit scary for him since he's never been without me.

Then there is the sincere hope that neither Jeff nor I come down with this "bug" in the hours remaining until Grace arrives, and the hope that we do not bring our newborn baby girl into a house full of poopy germs! However, God is in control and we know that even these things, should they actually happen, would be allowed in our lives to make us more like Him! Poop and all.

We will continue to update tomorrow from the hospital!

Disappointed

2008-05-27T16:38:00.002-04:00

I am back home now after an exhausting day of.....nothing. Dr. W stripped my membranes, but would not officially induce me until Friday. So I spent the day walking the mall, and even trying the elliptical machine, all to no avail. There is nothing more I can do for myself, and frankly, I'm exhausted, so I'm home to wait until Friday. I have an appointment at the hospital to be induced Friday morning at 7:00 a.m.

Romans 8:28-29
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers.

Today?

2008-05-27T09:21:00.001-04:00

Well, I'm getting ready to leave for the doctor's office. I WILL be seeing my regular OB today. He has recovered enough to be in the office. The plan for now is to strip my membranes, which will hopefully get labor going. I am taking all my stuff with me, and I have my "staff" of people all in place, so unless there is some reason why it would not be safe to do this, I will hopefully be admitted today to have Grace! Please be praying for us! Pray for my mom as she takes care of Jack, Bryan and Anne, and for Jeff, that he doesn't get squeamish, and for my mother-in-law as she helps coach me through. I am apprehensive, and yet, very excited and ready.

I'll keep you all posted!

Quick Update

2008-05-23T23:41:00.002-04:00

I saw the doc today, and although I have not dilated any more (still 2-3), Grace has definitely dropped lower. If I do not have her over the weekend, I have an appointment with him on Tuesday to try and get things going! My sugar levels are beginning to creep up despite the insulin, so he agreed that it would be better to just go ahead and deliver instead of adjusting my insulin. So next week is definitely IT for us, it will be just a matter of seeing if we can kind of force the issue and get labor going, or maybe being induced in the hospital. I'll let you know how things are going!

Alien Woman

2008-05-20T09:12:00.002-04:00

I told Jeff last night that I felt like an alien. As I look at myself I see this large, clumsy person with very strange looking, puffy feet. I walk funny and I hurt all over. It's all part of pregnancy, I know, but sometimes it just kind of seems comical. Sometimes, when I'm going through my day and everyone is just going about their day, I feel like hitting the "pause" button and just screaming out, "don't you people see what is going on here!!! I'm turning into an alien and no one seems to notice!". Of course I said all this with tears running down my face (at the end of a long day with hormones raging), and so my dear husband, instead of laughing at what I am sure was a funny melodrama, just pulled me close and asked me if I wanted him to rub my back. To which I sniffed and said, yes. I then climbed in to bed and had a whole night of dreams that my water was breaking. Alas, I am here in the morning, completely dry, and we continue our lives, living with this alien, I mean, our dear sweet baby Grace.

Moment of Truth

2008-05-19T17:53:00.002-04:00

--Matthew West

You got your hand on the door
And you're ready to walk out
Well, the fight that you had filled your mind up with all this doubt
And you're losing your mind and losing your faith
And you can't remember why you fell in love in the first place

Go back, go back to the moment of truth
When she walked down the aisle and you first said, "I do"
When this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose
Go back, go back to the moment of truth

You got your hand on a habit
And you can't seem to let it go
It used to be your escape now it's out of control
And now it's you in the mirror
But you don't recognize your face
And you're looking for a reason not to throw it all away

Just go back, go back
To the moment of truth
With three words, "It's a girl"
And she looks just like you
When this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose
Go back, just go back to the moment of truth

You got your hand on the Bible
But your heart feels like stone
'Cause you think that you've made too many mistakes to come home
And you're losing your will and you're losing your faith
And now you wonder if you even believed in the first place

Just go back to the moment of truth
When you first talked to Jesus
And He reached out for you
He's still reaching, He's still reaching out for you
So when this life makes you wonder what have you got to lose
Just go back, just go back
To the moment of truth

Hmmmmm....

2008-05-14T14:32:00.002-04:00

My OB is having gallbladder surgery today and will be out of commission for several days. While appropriately concerned for the health and well-fare of my doctor and friend, I am, well, admittedly, a little concerned about myself.

Oops

2008-05-08T22:01:00.004-04:00

Gosh, I can't believe I let it go this long without a post. Wasn't intentional. Actually, a LOT has been happening, it's hard to know where to start!

On the baby front, nothing is happening. I go for my weekly appt. tomorrow, and maybe we will find out something then. Last week's appointment revealed that Grace is STILL Grace (whew), via a quick ultrasound, and that she is currently head down. To that I must say, the girl has her directions straight, now come on home! I had a weird dizzy spell a couple of nights ago, and really have NO IDEA where that came from, but there haven't been any repeats of that so, I won't worry.

Home news: Well, here is where it gets tricky. A week ago, Jeff sheepishly admitted to me that he didn't really care for our comforter on our bed. What was, to him, a small confession, was a huge deal to me and I instantly felt the ground opening up to swallow me. Ok, maybe that is a little dramatic, but, seriously, like, I'm having a baby here. The big deal is that we just discovered ourselves to be in possession of some new bedroom furniture, and we were getting ready to paint the room completely based on the color of the comforter and curtains! So, now we had no color scheme with which to paint! Long story, short, it's all good. Our bedroom is completely gutted right now, with twenty-two days to go until my due date. I picked out carpet this morning, and ordered a new comforter set. Curtains will wait. Now the big question is painted trim or stained trim, and do we want to do something decorative, like wainscoting? All of these details are a little overwhelming right now, but in the end I think it will all be beautiful and I'm looking forward to seeing it done. Any guesses as to whether or not we'll actually be done with the room BEFORE Grace is born?

Jack is just talking unbelievably. For two years I have wondered what was going on in that little head in there, and now I know. Every waking moment of the day. He had a little accident the other night in our bedroom. Jeff had just taken the carpeting out, and the tack strips were exposed on the floors. We were trying to be careful with him, but he tripped over Jeff's foot and went down on a tack strip. Wow, he cried hard. Then he told us in great detail how much it hurt, and that his blood was coming out. We got him cleaned up and a bath in the big bathtub seemed to set him right again. Now he loves to tell about when he fell down and got his owie. He will also gladly show it to you.

Well, it's late and I'm rambling. God has been very good to us, and we are blessed to be having our family all together again on Saturday. The kids are excited to be coming before Grace gets here so that they won't miss any of the "fun". Jeff and I are going away overnight tomorrow night for a company dinner, and to stay over and pick the kids up from the airport. We are thankful for that little bit of time together alone before our world turns upside down again! We love our family!

Edit: Here is a picture of the new comforter.

Answered Prayer

2008-04-30T14:05:00.002-04:00

Well, I am feeling much better! Thank you to everyone who prayed for me and was so compassionate! It was a nasty flu, but it's over, and hopefully I won't get it again for SOME TIME. I am still feeling pretty worn out, but I think that is to be expected given that I am also eight months pregnant :-)

I had my appointment with the endocrinologist yesterday, and she DID put me on insulin. I was very grateful to learn that it would only be one shot a day, administered at the supper meal, and in the same type of "pen" that Jeff uses! So, I was relieved to know that my own husband was going to be able to give me the shot instead of me doing it myself. At the same time, I was still fearful of the whole thing. Last night, when it came to time, I was downright pathetic. I am SO THANKFUL that Jeff did not make fun of me, but instead was very tender and compassionate. He suggested that I just lay down on the couch, and so I did, with my hands covering my face, whining appropriately. He was very sweet and was rubbing my leg, and then I heard a little "click" and then he sat back and just smiled at me. I took my hands down and stared at him and said, did you do it? He had! I hadn't felt a thing. I was almost afraid that he was just teasing me, but, no, it was all done. God is SO GOOD (and so is Jeff). What a relief to know that this will not be an every day ordeal!

My sugar levels are already responding dramatically! I felt very tired and kind of sick to my stomach today, but I think that it is just leftover flu stuff. I should be back to "normal" tomorrow! In the meantime, I have been organizing, re-organizing, and generally getting even more ready for Gracie to come. I think Jack has figured out that we are close to something, even he is talking about Grace more and more! After this long haul, we are finally getting excited that it is nearing the end, AND that we get to finally see our sweet baby girl! Thank you, Jesus.

One Of My Worst Nightmares

2008-04-28T01:38:00.000-04:00

I have the stomach flu.

Good Report

2008-04-25T16:02:00.003-04:00

I just got back from my now weekly doctor's appointment. It was a good visit! He was cautiously optimistic about the changes I've made in my diet. The levels have gone down because of it, I am not experiencing sugar spill-over, and I gained a pound and a half, which is quite normal. Grace is still measuring on the lower end of normal, and her heart rate is good. So we both seem to be doing well. I will still need to see the endocrinologist on Tuesday, and still will most likely have to go on the insulin, but there is a better chance now than before that they might allow me to continue with MY diet on a weekly basis. Should I lose weight, have excessive keytones, experience a rise in my sugar levels, or if Gracie suddenly gets bigger, then all deals are off. I can live with that.

So, praising God for a good report, and looking forward to spending some time with my family and our friend, Lee tonight. I am also looking forward to going to a wedding tomorrow, although I have not the slightest idea what to wear.

Have a great Friday!

A Good Week

2008-04-24T19:37:00.002-04:00

We've had a busy week...hence the lack of posting. After feeling pretty discouraged about the whole insulin thing, I got busy working around the house and just trying to "get happy". I also made some adjustments in my diet myself, and I have to say that although my numbers haven't gone down as far as they should be, I have at least been feeling better. When my numbers are high, I just feel terrible, I'm cranky and whiny and altogether not such a fun person to be around. I know that come Tuesday (my appointment with the endocrinologist) I will most likely be on insulin, but for now I'm just trying to enjoy the beautiful weather and the little life growing inside.

Jack is doing great and talking up a storm! He is really saying some amazing things....wish I could remember some to post here! Ha!

Only a few more weeks to go....yay!

Ugghhh

2008-04-19T21:56:00.002-04:00

I'm going to have to do the insulin shots. I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I'm counting on grace to help in time of trouble.

Cake

2008-04-16T22:54:00.002-04:00

I'm craving cake. Why can't I crave something that won't take up all my carbs in one small piece? Like carrots, or broccoli? Why cake?

Let's Have A Normal Day!

2008-04-15T09:38:00.002-04:00

What's normal? Well, the last 24-36 hours have NOT been normal! Something was happening that was giving us some great concern with the baby--I had two calls with the doctor on Saturday, and then an unscheduled appointment on Monday. I went home from that appointment feeling better and pretty confident that nothing was wrong. But then something else happened that caused me to kick things into gear (I am being vague for the sake of my male readers), and at one point was frantically packing my hospital bag for an extended stay. After talking some more with several nurses and another doctor, we finally decided that everything was going to be ok, or at least, I was not going to go to into labor and have to go to the hospital right now. Through it all, I knew that God was in control and was content to just go with the flow and do what was necessary, but it was a very emotional roller coaster at the same time because of the going back and forth!

By the time Jeff got home from work I was exhausted (having not slept the night before). He took Jack out and allowed me to get some rest, and then I went to bed early. I feel much better today, and so this morning started out just like "normal". God is good and knows what is going on, even when I don't, and desperately want to know!

Consequently, Danna, I did not get a very important phone call made, and I apologize. In all the excitement yesterday, Jack didn't even take a nap, and you can only imagine what that was like! I still plan to make the call, and hope that your meeting yesterday went well, even without the call.

On a lighter note, I got to see Christine, Shane and baby Hannah yesterday! She is so sweet and Christine just looks great! It's very exciting to see that little baby girl and know that mine is coming soon! Along with my frantic bag packing, I've also got all of her clothes, diapers, etc. all put away, and her crib and changing table all ready to use. So now we are ready for whenever she and God decide that it is time to come (just please, not TODAY, ha ha).

33 Weeks

2008-04-09T14:29:00.004-04:00

These pictures are specifically for the Duttons, as promised, and for anyone else who cares to see my big baby belly!

Jack and Mommy

2008-04-01T22:19:00.002-04:00

Tonight Jack and I found ourselves alone together for the evening. Anne went to a friend's house to spend the night, and Daddy and Bryan went on a "guys night out minus Jack" night. Bryan had really been looking forward to spending some time alone with his dad.

After consoling a sobbing Jack, who desperately wanted to "go Daddy, go Bubba", I decided that maybe he and I needed a night out ourselves. So we went in Jack's car (he calls the car I drive "my car") and headed to Pizza Hut. We sat close together and talked and laughed our way through a small hand-tossed cheese pizza. Actually, I should give you the run-down of what he ate. While at PH he ate a mound of shredded cheese from the salad bar, several croutons, a portion of pineapple, and one slice of cheese pizza. Then we went to Blockbuster and rented a Bob the Builder, a Veggie Tales (Jonah, or "Bob the Tomato" as Jack calls it), two Curious George's and a TeleTubbies (he is absolutely hypnotized by the baby sun). We came home and Jack proceeded to eat three scoops of peppermint candy ice cream, two more pieces of cheese pizza, two sippy cups of apple juice, and one sippy cup of ice water! Sheesh! We watched the entire TeleTubbies video, all snuggled up on the recliner together, until Daddy and Bryan came home. Then there was much running around and general silliness by all the boys.

Altogether, we had a great night. My little guy can be a terrific date. He's cute, he's funny, everybody likes him when they meet him, and he holds my hand and gives me kisses over pizza. What more could I ask for? I love him dearly and am getting a bit emotional about these last few weeks of being alone together for the "last time". I feel a bit sorry for him, because I know that getting a new baby sister is just going to change his entire world. A part of me wishes that there was some way to tell him that he will always be my baby, and I will never ever love him any less than the day I first held him in my arms. I hope he knows. And I hope he likes his sister!

So Far So Good

2008-03-31T13:14:00.003-04:00

Jack and I are taking a little "break" from the house today! Anne and Bryan are at our church's Christian school today, visiting. We are really praying that they like it, and they do not immediately feel that it would be too difficult for them. Lord willing, they will be moving up here over the summer for good, and will hopefully attend our school. Since Jack and I had to get them there at 7:30 a.m. and pick them up at 3:15 p.m., we decided to stay in town and hang out at Grandma's house! Unfortunately, she isn't here. She had to work today, but said we could make ourselves at home. That's a pretty generous thing, considering Jack can really, really make himself at home, if you know what I mean :-)

Things are going really well with my diet. I have only had a couple of high readings so far, and I'm really learning what particular foods are good ones to eat. I must make a little retraction from my sample menu from the other day--I found that I can NOT eat a half a bagel without some other form of protein. I don't know what makes it different, but for some reason that half a bagel sends my levels through the roof, even though it is well within my limits for carbs and also contains protein. Oh well, go figure. Anyway, I discovered that the Brocolli Cheddar soup from Panera is only 1 carb exchange, so I can eat the french baguette along with it! It's the first time I've tried it, so in two hours time we will see if it was a good thing or not. The math works out ok, but we'll see what the glucometer says (ahhh, the all-knowing glucometer).

Just as a side note, I am finally able to push the button on the lancet myself--no more asking Jack to do it! Ha!

You Learn Something New Everyday

2008-03-29T11:10:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I met with my dietitian and I actually learned a few things about diabetes that I didn't know before! I learned that pregnant women have a much lower glucose level than a non-pregnant person. When I am not pregnant, my levels should be between 80-100 before I eat, and then can reach up to 150 two hours after eating. As a pregnant person, my fasting level should be 60-90, and my two hour level should be no greater than 120! Yikes, so yes, I've been running high.

I also learned that it is very important that you EAT. I have to eat 6 times a day. Breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, snack. And I can eat carbs, but the MUST be tempered with protein. I thought that maybe I would do a sample day for you so you can see what I should be eating.

Breakfast: 2 carb exchanges (1 exchange equals 15 carbs)
Coffee with three TBS of my french vanilla creamer (1)
1 slice of diet bread and a TBS of peanut butter (1)
The peanut butter provides the protein.

Snack: 2 carb exchanges
1/2 Blueberry bagel with cream cheese (2)
The bagel actually has 6 g of protein in it, so it's ok by itself, plus the cream cheese has 2 g of protein

Lunch: 3 carb exchanges
Ham and cheese sandwich (made with the low carb bread - 1)
7 large Tostito chips with salsa (19 grams, which is 1 exchange plus 4 g)
1 cup milk (12 grams, which just about equals out the extra from the chips)
The protein is in the ham, cheese and milk

Snack: 2 carb exchanges
2 packages of the 100 calorie pack cookies (2)

Supper: 3 carb exchanges
We went to Olive Garden last night and this is what I had. I think that it all just about equals 3
2 bowls of salad
1 breadstick
I shared the grilled salmon dinner with my mother-in-law, which included broccoli - it was plenty!

Snack: 3 carb exchanges - this is the most important snack because it is the one right before bed, and has to last me the longest time while I sleep.
1 1/2 cups of Special K with Red Berries and milk to cover - yum!

So, as you can see, I'm not starving! And as long as the protein and the carbs are mixed, I can pretty much eat anything. I do have to steer clear of my precious White Mocha from Starbucks, because 1 grande of those is actually more than I am allotted for a meal! Yikes! So I'm drinking whole milk lattes with sugar-free vanilla and whipped cream! Not too bad.

The hardest part, believe it or not, is remembering to eat! I pretty much eat every two hours, so if I get busy I've got to remember to stop and eat, otherwise my glucose levels will not stay constant, and my body will think that it needs to try and produce more.

I also have to test every morning for ketones. That is where the extra sugar spills into your urine--which means it can also "spill over" to the baby, causing her to get too much, get too big, and have problems with sugar when she is born. It is very important that I follow this plan to a T so that when she is born she doesn't experience a huge drop in sugar within the first 30 minutes of her life and end up in NICU. As it is, she may end up in NICU anyway, just to be monitored more closely. It's pretty scary, so it is up to me to the best I can and not give in to either NOT eating, or eating more carbs at one time than I should. If this diet doesn't work for me than I will need to take insulin shots. So please pray for will-power and determination!

Thank you for all of your encouragement, I have needed it tremendously and I appreciate it more than you can know!

Adjusting

2008-03-27T10:28:00.003-04:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately! Anne and Bryan are here and we are having a great time with them, as always. I am trying to adjust my "decreased activity" level to accommodate two 13 year olds, a two year old, my 30th week of pregnancy with all its contractions, and the added delight of at times feeling really weird with my gestational diabetes! Whew. A couple of days ago we lost Jeff's glucometer, so I actually haven't been able to test my sugars, which is kind of not handy, since I don't know how what I am eating is affecting me. Last night I had a definite period of time when my sugar got too low (waited too long between meals), and that felt horrible. I had to drink some orange juice and eat a candy bar, which under normal circumstances would have been fun, but it just plain wasn't. I go to the dietitian tomorrow and will receive my own glucometer and the correct diet plan for me, so that should really help.

Thanks for all of your wonderful comments and for the prayers that I know have been going up on our behalf--it has been giving me strength.

Sugar

2008-03-22T09:37:00.003-04:00

Well, I drank all the juice (all 120 oz. of it), and I fasted for 12 hours, and I drank the icky orange gunk, and I got my blood drawn 5 times (I will NOT be wearing a short-sleeved dress for Easter). I knew that they would have to send the blood away to a lab, thereby making the results not known until Monday, so I took along Jeff's glucometer and poked myself and tested my own blood each time they did. According to his machine, I did NOT pass 2 of the 3 blood draws needed to pass the test. My doctor was glad that I had brought the glucometer and was pretty satisfied with those results, although it will be confirmed on Monday. So, it would appear, that another hurdle has been thrown into this pregnancy lane, and I will complete my pregnancy with Gestational Diabetes. While this is unexpected and, well, let's face it, unwelcome, I am thankful that God has already prepared me for this possibility. Because of Jeff's diabetes, I am not in the dark as to what I need to do, and the thought of testing my own blood doesn't scare me (although I do have Jack actually push the little button on the lancet because for some reason I balk every time). All I really need to know now is how many carbs I can have for each meal, and how many snacks I can have. If I keep my regular sugars down to normal amounts with my diet, I shouldn't have to have any shots or medication. That is a HUGE blessing. We are unsure if this is a recent development, or if it will get worse as time progresses, but all of that is in the Lord's hands. At this point in the game, I am just ready to take my hands off the wheel and allow God to drive. He obviously has a plan for all of this, and while it makes me uncomfortable, I am happy to just ride it out and see it through to the end. I've been blessed to be able to hold two precious little babies in the last week or so, and each one has given me strength to see it through. I'd appreciate your prayers, though, for me to be able to eat the way I should and manage my levels, and for the diabetes to not get worse.

The kids are coming tomorrow and we are so excited we can hardly stand it. God gives us GOOD GIFTS, just when we need them.

Our Little Anne

2008-03-19T16:05:00.003-04:00

This is our beautiful daughter, Anne-marie. I first met Anne on our honeymoon, over 3 years ago. I cannot believe how much she has changed in just 3 years! It seems that our pig-tailed giggling little girl is being transformed before our eyes into a sensitive, lovely young lady. This picture was actually taken in her bedroom, by her 12-year old friend, Kindell! Not too bad for two girls "goofing around" in their room, huh?

Since the first time I heard Britt Nicole sing, "Set The World On Fire", I have thought of Anne. It is our prayer that the words of this song would be her ambition in life.

Set The World On Fire

I wanna set the world on fire
Until it`s burning bright for You
It`s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?

I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There`s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do

I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father`s hands

My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me

I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I`m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire

Oh No!

2008-03-18T09:31:00.002-04:00

I just talked with my doctor's office and they informed me that I FLUNKED my Glucola test (166)! Again. This was the second time because I didn't believe it the first time. Ugh. I have to drink 40 oz of fruit juice every day today, Wednesday and Thursday, and then on Friday I have to fast in the morning (after midnight Thursday), then drink the glucola stuff, and then have my blood drawn every hour after that for the next three hours! I just cannot believe it, but I suppose that would explain why I am getting so BIG and not gaining that much actual weight.

I guess I'd better get rid of those cookies I bought yesterday.

Life Goes On

2008-03-17T15:41:00.002-04:00

One year ago today, Jeff received the call from his grandmother that his father, Stephen Gray, had passed away. It was a very confusing, shocking time for our family, because it was unexpected. There were so many issues yet to be resolved......and suddenly, no time to resolve them. Throughout this year I personally have come to the realization that although there were many things left unresolved, if we truly do believe that he, at one time, came to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, then, for him, everything is resolved. In his glorified body there are no regrets, no tears, no addictions, no painful memories. And that is how I think we should think of him. He is perfect, and only capable of good things. And he would certainly be proud of his family. Here are a few reasons why....

Jeff--In the moment of crisis, you stepped in as the "leader" of the family. You have sacrificially given countless hours of your time to make sure that the legacy (whether good or bad) that your father left behind was properly taken care of in a way that was respectful of your grandmother, your mother and your siblings. You worked to shield them from potential hurts, and have evidenced a profound joy in being able to "pass on" the good things left from your father. You have grown in your relationship with Jesus Christ, in your own role as father, and as a loving, Godly husband to your wife. You have made it a personal goal to abhor evil things that would cast a snare around you and endanger those that you love. You have provided a good life for your family, and you continue to lead them in a godly way, lovingly becoming involved in many aspects of our church in an effort to keep your family on firm ground. He is proud of you.

Jill--You stepped out of a comfortable role in your career, and together, with Gary, have created a beautiful home, complete with the effervescent smile of your precious baby girl, Sierra. You have given of yourself to her with love and fierce loyalty. You have created a home in which she will be nurtured and taught to love Jesus. You seek to give her the best life you possibly can, even when the decisions are hard. You are striving to please God in your home as a wife and mother, making sure that Sierra will never doubt your love for her. He would be proud of you, Jill, and my goodness, oh so proud of that little girl.

Jason--You became a husband! You married a beautiful, intelligent girl, who, like your mom, has a desire to care for others. You also became a homeowner--and although those little neighbor kids may drive you crazy, it is a lovely home, and you and Ashley have woven your artistic talents together made it even better than it was before. You continue to go to work everyday to support your family. Your desire is that your wife would never do without, and that she would have the best of everything. You are working hard at finishing school, something that might have been really easy to just let go. And yet, you decided to stick with it, even though you knew it would be hard. God will reward you for your hard work, Jason, and your dad would be so proud.

Sharon--This has been perhaps the hardest on you. So many years ago you did what was right for your family, even though it was not what you wanted, and your heart has never mended. You stayed true to what you knew was right, and look, just look at the generations you have produced! Look at the hardworking sons, the hardworking, caring daughter, and the precious, precious grandchildren! In your heart you never stopped loving him, and I know that you have grieved as a wife would grieve for her husband, and re-lived so many memories over this last year. And yet, you have shown a determination to keep going, to keep making a better life. You have showered us all with love and generosity, even in the midst of a rigorous schedule. You give so selflessly, even when you are weary. You are almost finished with your master's program! You have been the example of "finishing strong", and signing your name to a job well-done. Your children are so proud of you! And your husband, in heaven, with clear eyes and well body, and mind completely encompassed with the beauty of Christ, is so incredibly proud of you.

And so, on this anniversary, it is not the life of Stephen Virgil Gray upon which I contemplate. It is his legacy, his greatest accomplishment on this earth--his family--of which I am so proud to be a part.

The T-Shirt Says It All

2008-03-12T14:41:00.003-04:00

I've been meaning to post this for some time......