Happy New Year

New Year's Eve is a bittersweet holiday for me. It holds many memories, mostly good, but some very painful. It's a time to look back, and that is not something that I enjoy doing, but sometimes you have to look back to realize how far you've come. This year I take a moment to sit down and wish you a happy holiday, and to record for my son what he was doing on this momentous evening--his first New Year.

He's asleep.

My husband is downstairs with Anne and Bryan playing a game--laughing and having a great time. I can hear them from one floor away. Jack is upstairs in his little bed, dreaming of....what do babies dream about? Breasts full of milk? His daddy's face? At any rate, he is peaceful and so very sweet in his little bed.

And I am here, realizing with every tick of the clock that I am sooooooo blessed. I have a wonderful husband, and amazing children to share my life with. It doesn't completely erase what went on before. There was another life, not so long ago. There were other people that I loved and shared myself with. I wish them joy and happiness, and that they will trust God in the new year.

Well, it's time for me to join my family downstairs. I love them so much. God is so good to give me back ten-fold what was lost.

Happy New Year!

All Smiles

It's official. Jack smiles knowingly. He's not asleep or half asleep or even passing gas. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it's enough to send everyone into fits of laughter because it is so darn cute. We haven't captured it on film yet, but we're working on it. Number one person that Jack smiles at--big sister Anne!

First Christmas

Merry Christmas, Baby Jack. You are the best Christmas present ever!

(And Merry Christmas to all of you as well!)

The Preposition "On"

The other day Jeff and I were talking about all of the things that we have experienced with the birth of Jack. I started naming off a list of things that had particularly happened to me, and Jeff turned to me and said, "You're prepositionally challenged!" He's right. See for yourself.

In four weeks I have been:
Cried on
Sneezed on
Puked on
Pooped on
Peed on
Sucked on
Burped on
Boogered on
Slept on
Screamed on
Tooted on
Breathed on
Gazed on
Splashed on
Frowned on
Smiled on
Loved on

The list goes on
And isn't he worth every one?

New Discovery

I've come to the realization that Jack is just a fussy baby. Isn't there an old wives tale that if you have an easy pregnancy and easy delivery, you won't have an easy baby? Well, I'm beginning to believe it. He is just the sweetest baby ever....when he's asleep, or being snuggled by mommy in a certain position (me laying back with him on my chest). But if he's awake and not being snuggled in exactly the right position, then he is generally crying. Now that we've got him sleeping at night, the crying is much more bearable during the day, but it is still crying none-the-less.

Today, however, I discovered the stroller. I remembered that in the nursery at church nothing will soothe a baby faster than putting him in a stroller and wheeling him around the nursery at top speed. I myself have done this several times. So, I thought, why not try it at home? It worked! He's asleep right now, in his room, in his stroller, and I have time to sit and write!

Under The Weather

Mommy's not feeling good today. It's a good thing she's got this sweet baby boy to keep her company. He's better than any cat and doesn't shed at all.

Happy Friday!

I sat down to blog and realized that I don't really have anything significant to write about. Things are going really well. Jack is still sleeping most of the night--at least enough of it that I don't feel like I'm walking around like a zombie! We've dug out the Christmas decorations and have a tree up, and we are eagerly anticipating Jack's first Christmas and Anne and Bryan's journey home! We can't wait to have all our kids together under one roof again. It's hard being apart, and we really want Jack to grow up with his brother and sister so they will be close.

One random thought: It seems kind of sad to me that my days have so run together that I have to check my own blog to find out what the date is. Hmmmmm.....

Let It Snow!

This post is for Anne and Bryan. Hi guys! I thought that you might like to see what it looks like here. I think that there could be some snow fort building in your immediate future. Yahoooooo! And if the snow is not deep enough for a fort, then your dad will just go get on the tractor and pile it all up for you!

Too Cute

More pictures of my favorite men.

Like Father, Like Son

Since the moment that little Jack came into this world, his biggest fan has been his daddy. During the labor and delivery Jeff was by my side, helping me, encouraging me, giving me a play-by-play account of what was happening "down there" where I couldn't see. But from that incredible moment when Jack was born, I lost a little part of him. Don't worry, I'm not jealous. I'm only too happy that Jeff is so in love with his son. I never dreamed that I would have this much of a partner, a husband to link hands with me in this unbelievable journey called "having a child". I could not ask for a better daddy for my baby or a better husband.

Before Jack was born, his Grandma Poo gave me some things that were Jeff's when he was a baby. There were several little outfits and a beautiful blanket. I was so glad to have them. A friend of mine once taught me the importance of saving those memories, so I was thrilled to be able to pass these treasures on to Jack. After Jack was born, she got out Jeff's baby book and gave that to me. In the first few pages of his book was a picture that took my breath away. There, staring back at me, was what I could have sworn was a picture of my son, only it was his father. There is NO doubt about "who" Jack looks like. So tonight I dressed Jack in the same little outfit that Jeff's mommy dressed Jeff in, and took his picture. Grandma Poo, that picture is for you, for being such a good mommy to my baby's daddy. Thank you.

Encouragement

I received this email from my very good friend, Lisa, and it was such an encouragement that I thought I would share it with you. Lis, hope you don't mind!

Regarding "tracheo malasia":
Welcome to my world. That is exactly what Justin has.
Don't you just love the "HONK"! Justin really struggled in the beginning with it, but I promise it gets better. Often when he would start the sound, I would hold him in my hand, on his stomach, face looking at the floor. This is what the doctor taught us. The from part of the neck is the floppy air way, so if you have that hang down it IMMEDIATELY opens back up. It worked every time. He slept in our room for 6 months. He still has it at 4 1/2 years old, but it only happens when he throws a screaming fit, or has alot of coughing, and is forcing it to work hard.
Doctor says it is not the norm, but not rare to have it last this long. Justin can control it himself now.

I think the more common time frame is around 2 years old. Hopefully Jack will follow that pattern.

I am glad you have your mother-in-law. We went to the ER and then to the pediatrician before we got a diagnosis.

I know how scary it is, but I PROMISE it will not always be this way. Once he can roll over well, it gets alot better!

This email came on the discovery that if we put Jack on his tummy, the "honking" and troubled breathing stops. There is something about having him turned that way (facing down) that opens up his airway. I am SO pleased to report that he has slept almost ALL night now for TWO nights on his tummy--only waking up once in the night to eat. I am still feeling pretty sleep deprived from the last three weeks of no sleep, but I'm starting to get better with the "extra" sleep from the last two nights.

I know, I'm NOT supposed to let him sleep on his tummy. I struggled horribly with this. The bottom line is: he was having so much trouble breathing laying on his back, that the risk of his having an apnea seemed greater or at least as great as him laying on his tummy, so I turned him over. When I saw how much better he breathed, and how deeper he slept, I realized that this is one baby that needs to be on his tummy. So, mommies and doctors out there in cyberland, don't judge me too harshly, please! He is in God's hands, and if God wills that he should have SIDS, no amount of my staying awake in the night or turning him on his back will stop it. Instead, I believe that for us, right now, God wills that my baby get a good night's sleep and that I get a good night's sleep. So tummy it is. Thank you, Lisa, for the email and letting me know that I am not alone and that Jack will be alright!!

Wilbur

This is Wilbur. He is a horse/pacifier that Grandma Poo brought home from her hospital. Jack is still getting used to him, but I just think he's so dang cute, I keep sticking him in his mouth!

World's Biggest Yawn

Awww.....look at the cute baby! He's just had his bath and is ready for a little nappy (as is his mommy).

The Bean Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree.....

We start 'em young around here.

Grandma Poo To The Rescue!

Jack, you have the most amazing Grandma Poo. The night before last I stayed up with Jack almost all night, getting a whopping 2 1/2 - 3 hours of sleep, half of which I got after 6:00 a.m. when he finally gave up and went to sleep himself. For various reasons I did not get to nap on Sunday at all during the day, so by Sunday evening I was really hurting for sleep, and Jack started cranking up at exactly 11:15 p.m. Jeff got up with him and took him out of the room so I could get a couple of hours in, but Jack was evidently really crying hard, and Jeff called his mother, a 27 year veteran of the NICU, for advice. This woman's passion in life is for her children first, and secondly, for other people's children. Her job---she takes care of babies! And she is an excellent educator. Her knowledge has been invaluable to us throughout this whole thing. Last night when Jeff called her, she not only responded to his questions, but she got in her car and drove all the way here (25 min) and took care of Jack for the rest of the night while Jeff came to bed and I kept sleeping. I know that my own mother would have done exactly the same thing, if she didn't live 3 hours away, and I'm so thankful to have parents that are so caring and concerned, and love Jack (and us) so much. It also turned out to be a really good thing for us medically, because it gave her the opportunity to observe him for several hours and she has concluded several things. First, we really feel that Jack is more premature than just 2 weeks. We felt all along that my due date was off by a couple of weeks, and with him being born a couple weeks earlier than the due date, that makes him just about a month early. He is exhibiting signs of a preemie that is at least 36 weeks old. He has something called "trachial malasia" which means that his trachia is soft and collapses on him as he breathes/sucks. It results in a "honk" when he breathes (especially when nursing). It happens because he is trying to take in air, but his windpipe is cutting off the breath. It is not to a dangerous poing, thank goodness, but it's enough to make me extremely nervous, and every little sound that he makes jolts me up from sleep when I finally DO get to sleep. He also has trouble organizing his breathing/swallows. He doesn't breathe in the right pattern when he DOES take in air. So he needs to be watched carefully. He will grow out of all of these things, but for right now, it makes his life, and ours, a little more stressful. I am so thankful that we have Jeff's mother so close by, and with so much knowledge, and a desire to impart that knowledge to us to make us better parents. What a God-send she is! Thank you, Grandma Poo!

Jack-Jack Attacks

He looks so peaceful, eh? Don't be fooled. That angelic, sleeping body turns into a screaming, kicking, non-sleeping fiend at night. Does it matter? Do I love him less? Do I think him any less perfect? Not at all. I just sit bleary-eyed like a fool, loving his purple face, giggling a little when he cries so hard that he makes no sound. He's mine, and I love him. And besides, what do you expect when you name a baby after a superhero who spontaneously combusts when provoked?

For the last few nights Jack has kept both Jeff and I awake all night with his wailing. We can't figure it out...he sleeps fine during the day. He will sleep for 4 hours without waking up. I have to wake him up just to feed him, and then he goes back to sleep. I've tried everything to keep him awake during the day.....wet washclothes on his face, stripping him down to his diaper, tickling his feet, even running his feet under cold water....all to no avail. But at about 11:00 p.m. something happens and he is inconsolable. Is this colic? Gas? I've tried the gas drops. They seem to help for a little while. Consequently, Jeff and I have been walking around as dead people during the day. Let me tell you, the lack of sleep does nothing to help with the already billowing, emotional hormone roller coaster. Today we tried to take some evasive action. He goes to sleep again about 6:00 a.m., so I went to sleep with him. He woke up and ate around 9:30 a.m. and then we both went to sleep until almost 1:00 p.m. Jeff worked all day on a friends' porch, and when he came home we ate dinner and then he took Jack while I went upstairs and took another 2 1/2 hour nap. Then at 11:00 p.m. he came to bed and I took Jack downstairs to the living room. He's sleeping fitfully in his little boppy chair, but so far no crying. It just seems to be when we try to lay him down in his bed and go to sleep ourselves that the crying starts. So here I am, at 1:56 a.m. writing in my blog, and not feeling too bad because of my naps, hoping that daddy is getting some good sleep. I have the Christmas music on, and so far Jack's favorite CD is of Titus Curtis "Sunday Afternoon Christmas". I think he likes the guitar music. Whatever makes him happy makes me happy. Any suggestions, moms? Feel free to add your comments, encouragements, "I told you so's", etc., below. I'll be up with nothing else to do!