Hmmmm.....

My fellow blogger Beth got me interested in this quiz. Here are my results.

You Are a Jam Cookie

On the outside, you project a straight-laced, innocent vibe. But on the inside, you're complex, exotic, and full of flavor.

What Kind of Cookie Are You?

I'm just not sure what to say.

Run The Race

I judged a vocal competition at FCS yesterday and there met a lady who attends church with an old college buddy of mine, Warren Brokering. I was shocked and devastated to hear that Warren is battling colon cancer. He has evidentally had some success with surgery, but I really don't know more than that. I jotted him a note with my email address, so hopefully I will hear more soon. This is the second college friend that I have recently learned is dealing with cancer, the first being Ed Horn. While it greatly saddens me, I know the character of these two men well, and know that in this trial they will seek to please God. It is comforting to know that when such hardships and trials come at us unexpectedly, we can see through the examples of godly people around us that God's word truly is sufficient for our every need. God bless you, Ed and Warren. Keep running the race!

Running The Race
--by Laurie Dutton

I'm running the race
I'm pressing ahead
I'm striving to reach the goal which God has set
I'll focus my eyes
I'm setting my sites
Obeying the call in order to win the prize

And I'll press on
Running the Race
And I'll press on
'Til I see His face
He's run the race before me
He knows what lies ahead
He gives me grace and wisdom and strength
He's by my side
My Faithful Guide
I'm running the race
I'm running for the prize

I'm turning from my sin
And the weights that slow me down
I'm pressing toward the mark
So I can win the crown

I'm pressing ahead
Not looking behind
I'm staying on course
No matter what turns I find
There's no need to fear
For my God is near
Directing each step and making my pathway clear

And I'll press on
Running the race
And I'll press on
'Til I see His face
He's run the race before me
He knows what lies ahead
He gives me grace and wisdom and strength
He's by my side
My Faithful Guide
I'm running the race
I'm running for the prize

I'll run 'til I see Christ!
'Til I see Christ

Night Out

Last night Mommy and Daddy got to go out! Jeff's company hosts a "year end" party every year in Indianapolis, so last night Aunt Gi Gi (Gaylene) watched little Jack while we went and had some stimulating "adult" conversation (adult as opposed to infant, not indecent) and some yummy food. It was fun to be all dressed up and driving down the road towards a fun evening. Made us feel like the "old" Jeff and Betty.

Just A Spoonful Of Sugar

Today is a different day! Yippeeee! Already Jack was doing better, but my sister just called me and shared with me that her son did the same thing to her! She put a half a teaspoon of sugar in his bottle until he got to drinking it good and then started weaning him off the sugar. So I tried it and he sucked down a 6 oz bottle without blinking an eye. So I think we're on the right track. The best part is that after he takes a good bottle he likes to take a long nap! So I think I will do the same. Nitey nite!

Triumph

Well, it took more than an hour, but I managed to force down 4 oz. Don't worry, I'm not going to update you everytime he takes a bottle. Let's just assume the best and that the eating trend is going to continue.

Round Two

It's now more than 4 hours since the last "ba ba" attempt (a successful one) and we are currently head to head for round two of the match. He is hungrily chewing on his bunny but will not take the bottle. So we will wait 30 minutes and try again!

One Down, Several To Go

Hey! I know that the first blog only just published because something was up with blogger, but I am happy to report that after a two hour nap, Jack woke up HUNGRY and ate 5 oz of formula with 2 scoops of cereal in it! I've decided to spend the next few days getting him re-adjusted to just the bottle and then we'll try the spoon-fed route again later. At any rate, I'm very relieved that after 12 hours of a hunger strike, he has finally drank his bottle!

In The Battle

I think I've created a monster. Remember how I said that Jack was just loving eating cereal from a spoon and drinking from a cup? Well, yesterday it was cute, but today it is downright ugly. I have only been nursing Jack in the middle of the night, so last night when he woke up at 1:00 a.m. I nursed him and put him back in bed. That was the last time that he ate. That was 10 hours ago. He refuses to take his bottle. He has done everything from laughing and giggling with it in his mouth to throwing a crying fit and gagging on it. I was concerned that he might be unwell, or that some reasonable problem was causing him to not want his bottle. But in every other way he is FINE. He is laughing, playing, watching his aquarium toy, peeing, burping....everything normal....except eating. I can only conclude that he doesn't want to and so he is exerting an unbelievable amount of will (where the heck did he get that from?). At this point I have put him in his bed to "cry it out". My plan is to continue to offer him the bottle every half hour until he takes it. I'm not going to give him spoon-fed cereal. I think that he would eat that, but he needs to drink his bottle. There is nothing nourishing about just eating cereal from a spoon. I have also definitely concluded that last night was the last night of nursing. And it may be the last night of eating in the middle of the night. Obviously, he is able to go for LONG periods of time without eating, so it is ridiculous for me to be getting up (sometimes) twice in the middle of the night. So, please pray for me today, and pray that Jack makes a good choice, and if you have any suggestions, PLEASE give them to me! I know that there are mothers out there right now reading this blog. You know who you are and so do I. Please weigh in. If you don't want to post, then email me or call me! I'll update you all later on in the day!

Growing Up

Today we celebrated Jack's grand old age by drinking water from a cup! I noticed that as I was drinking my Frapaccino today that his gaze was following my drink all the way up to my mouth. So we tried it! (not with the Frap!) He did REALLY well! And he loved it. I was really surprised but after the first few little dribbles he actually got the hang of swallowing the water as it went in his mouth. My little baby!

Happy Five Months, Jack

It's hard to believe, but another month has passed. Where does the time go? In one month Jack has progressed to playing with toys, eating from a spoon, turning over onto his back and giggling with a vengeance. If every month is this packed, Mommy and Daddy better hold on tight!

Wha'cha doin?

Here's what I did today! What did you do?

Happy Day

Today is a much better day for Jack! Thank you to everyone who said a little prayer for my boy. We ran the vaporizer in his room last night and that seemed to really help his breathing. I went in once to turn his head so he could breathe better, but that was all. I sleep with the monitor beside my bed and can really hear him well in the night. Nothing woke me up, and usually if he is having a bad night I will be aware of it. I don't really understand why the vaporizer helps, if his breathing is hindered by the trachial malasia. It shouldn't make a difference. Jeff and I both think that there is more going on there with his breathing than just the malasia. For now, we wait until our May 8 appointment with the ped ENT and we'll ask her all of our questions! But just so you know, he's having a great day--completely different from yesterday!

As a side note, I bought him two toys today. One is an exerciser/walker and the other is a toy that dangles toys in front of him while he lays on his back. He loves both of them, but especially the walker. He has to work at sitting up in it (he has a tendency to fall forward when he gets tired) but that just adds to the fun since the little turkey has been trying to sit up on his own since he was 2 months old!

Catch Your Breath

Today started out like any other day. Jack woke up at 4:00 a.m. and 7:00 a.m. for feedings. He went back to sleep and woke up around 9:30 this morning. It's not a bad schedule, really. I am very thankful that he sleeps so well. It's true that he still gets up in the middle of the night, but when he sleeps until 9-9:30 a.m., it's easy to catch up on my sleep. At any rate, this morning was normal, until around 10:00 a.m. That's when I noticed that he was having a lot of trouble breathing. He had just had a bottle and was very active, and his breathing is worse then. I watched him struggle for an hour, rasping and gasping, alternating being on his back and then his tummy. It was really kind of scary. He hasn't been like that since he was tiny and I had hoped that by now he would be growing out of it. He was actually distracted by his own breathing and refused to play with me. It's very disconcerting to see his chest caving in as he tries to take in air. So, I called the Pediatric ENT in Indy and got him an appointment for May 8. I didn't really want to take him down there, because I know that they will run tests on him that will be uncomfortable for him, but it can't be any more uncomfortable than not being able to take a breath when you need to. He may just have some congestion that is making it worse today, but I really was kind of frightened this morning. He's still struggling this afternoon, but not as badly. I'm planning to try and catch it on video so that the doctor can see when he is really bad. It really makes you think--there is so much we take for granted--like breathing. You don't know just how precious it is until you sit and watch your little one fight just to take one breath. Please pray for little Jack that he will get better soon!

Hi!

Easter pictures!

Mommy dressed me up and took some pictures of me and my bunny. Mmmmmm.....bunny.......

A Spoonful of Fun

Jack is eating cereal from a spoon! And loving it! After the first day of not really getting the hang of things, he came back with a vengeance and is now attacking his spoon as it comes toward his mouth. I hope to capture some video of it. It's just hillarious.

Sad Mommy

I've mentioned before that I have started weaning Jack from breastfeeding. Today I am feeling quite sad about the whole thing. I had not anticipated weaning him at just 4 months. When Jack was born I was fiercely dedicated to the whole idea of nursing, and not even cracked, bleeding nipples or pain that took my breath away stopped me from feeding him. I knew that if I was going to make it work it would at times be very hard, but that it was worth it. I stuck with it and have to say that it is probably the most rewarding thing about being a mother that I have yet to experience. It's a very intimate thing between mother and baby, and for Jack and me, it's over. Today I gave him cereal with a spoon (since the doctor said it was ok) and I experienced a kind of grim satisfaction in seeing him try to "latch on" to the spoon and then spit out the cereal when he realized that it was not what he thought it was. He still has the baby reflex to force his tongue out when food is in his mouth, and I know that it means that he is still too young. I would just rather go on nursing him.

Like other things in life, sometimes we don't get what we want. Sometimes what we want is a good thing, and so it's confusing to understand why we might not be getting it. Ultimately, we have to trust that a heavenly Father knows the difference between a good thing and the best thing. For some reason I am being allowed to go through what some might consider a very minor trial of weaning my child. For me, it's much more than minor, but I have to trust that it is the best thing for me, and for Jack. So I will do that, also knowing that the same Father allowing the trial also understands the lump in my throat and the tears that come unbidden when no one is looking.

Jack in action!

Things Happening

The last few weeks have been incredibly busy. So much so that blogging has become a low priority. But, a few amazing things have been happening with Jack that just have to be recorded. After all, this is first and foremost my "baby book" of Jack's life, and he is definitely doing some record worthy things.

First of all, last Friday night I went to a Pampered Chef party with some friends. When I came home my husband informed me that Jack was in bed (and that he had cried most of the night for daddy!) and that he had been playing with his toy in his crib. I didn't really think much of it, because I had never really seen him play with this toy and I thought that it was just daddy talking up the baby boy genius. I was sitting in the living room when, to my surprise, over the monitor came this music! I just looked at it and turned to Jeff, who was smiling proudly. "He's playing with his toy again," he said. I could not believe it. Not only was he playing with it, but he had learned how to push the button to turn the music on and off! You have to realize that up until this time he had never even played with a toy. I sneaked upstairs and took a peek. There was my son, laying on his back, staring up at the aquarium toy attached to his bed, listening to Brahm's Lullaby and watching little sea horses float by making bubbly noises. By the way, kudos to Nana for buying Jack the coolest toy ever! The next day I did get video of Jack playing with his toy during nap time and as soon as my hubby has a minute to call his own, he will post it for your viewing pleasure.

Monumental thing no. 2. Jack turned over all by himself. A couple of days after the toy incident, I put him down for a nap, on his tummy, and when I went to pick him up he was turned over on his back! So far he's only done it once, but we were pretty impressed.

No. 3. Jack had his 4 month checkup on Monday. He is now 14 lbs and 4 oz, and is 24 1/2 inches long. The doctor says he is doing beautifully. She is a little concerned still about the noise that he makes in his throat and suggested that he see a pediatric ENT in Indy. So we are considering that. It seems like a waste of time now....he's doing so well and I'm not sure that they could really do anything for him at this point, but it would be nice to know if everything is still ok in there and find out when he might grow out of it.

No. 4. Mommy's milk is drying up. I cannot tell you how sad this makes me. I had hoped to be able to nurse Jack, or at least pump and feed him breast milk until he was closer to one year, but it would seem that my body is not cut out for it. The will is there, believe me, on both of our parts. Jack loves to nurse and hates a bottle, but the milk is just not there. I've tried two rounds of Reglan to boost my supply, but it keeps dwindling. I pretty much just feed him in the middle of the night now, and even then sometimes it doesn't let down. Every time I feed him I cry a little, knowing that it might be the last time. On a lighter note, daddy is excited about finally being able to feed his baby. If he could have lactated, I think he would have.

No. 5. He seems to be having some separation anxiety when I leave him with daddy and sometimes in the nursery too. This has made daddy very sad, so he is spending some extra time with him each night (Jack is still not on "Indiana time" yet) trying to get him used to him again. So far it's working and tonight the things that transpired can only be labeled as our silly little boy cutting loose and just being his happy little self. It was so cute.

Noteworthy: Jack loves to be nakey. He will cackle with delight as soon as I start pulling his clothes off.

Noteworthy 2: He has taken to peeing on me again. I think he knows he's doing it. Little turkey.