A long overdue note from an new-again daddy...

I just wanted to post a quick note to tell everyone how wonderful my wife is.

This is long overdue, so I am going to back up the clock to what I should have said 9 weeks and 3 days ago. (the day Jack was born)

Betty is truly amazing! I simply cannot believe how well the delivery went! I have for years heard the old Bill Cosby routine where Bill's wife tells everyone in the delivery room that his mother and father were not married (you know what that means!) and dreaded actual childbirth. I didn't know what kind of a monster she would turn into when we actually got there.. I didn't know if she would spaz out when she thought it was time to go.. (she didn't) Everything about Betty and the way that she handled herself was truly graceful. She didn't panic when her water broke, we got up showered and had a leisurely drive to the hospital. I would venture to say that she might have even allowed me to stop at Best Buy if they were open at three in the morning! She didn't swear or say mean things during the delivery (you did this to me, etc) and she really didn't complain about anything.

Betty is so willing to sacrifice anything and everything for her son and husband. She is the best mom that I have ever met! Betty consistently does what is best for Jack and for her husband regardless of the toll that it takes on her, and she does it without a second thought. She truly is sacrificial!

I am so blessed to have you sweetie pie!

I love you and I am coming home in just a few minutes!

ILYMYLILFREAK~

Jeffo out!

Oh No! Not Acid Reflux?

Yeah, my name is Jack Gray. This is my first time here, and...well....I-I have acid reflux. My mommy, she thought I had it, and my doctor (she's real pretty) was pretty sure I had it, but yesterday they took some pictures of my bow....bowls.....bloow.....my tummy and they confirmed it. So I guess they wanted to make sure that there wasn't anything in there that was pushing my yummy milk back up in my throat.....what? did they think I had a grapefruit in there? I'm only 2 months old, for crying out loud (and I could tell you a thing or two about that). So they gave me this white stuff to drink that was NOT mommy milk, but I was hungry so I drank it, and then they took all my clothes off (which felt really good) and then a nice lady with a weird blue coat took my picture. I guess that's all you have to do to find out you have acid reflux. Now I gotta take some more medicine (yippy skippy) that's going to help my food to move through my bols.....you know what I mean, more quickly so it doesn't have a chance to come back up! I think it's going to make me feel more hungry, so maybe mommy will give me some cereal with my milk. I like mommy alot. So, that's pretty much it. I'm fine and mommy seems fine and daddy, well, daddy's awesome no matter what. See ya later!

Up Since Four

Yes, I've been up since 4:00 a.m. Don't look too bad, do I? Well, I confess that I took a shower and got dressed. It was interesting, being up so early.....I took a shower leisurely and was not interrupted by.....well, anything! I don't know that I will do that on a regular basis, but it was o.k. for today. Now you're asking, what the heck were you doing up at 4:00 a.m.? Well, Jack slept from 9:00 p.m. until 4:00 a.m.! If only I had gone to bed when he did! Unfortunately, I stayed up until midnight. After he ate this morning, I just laid in bed listening to him breathe and praying for him. I really hope that we are able to get some answers today at the doctor. I think that we may take him down to Indy to see one of the peds there where Grandma Poo works.

It's hard to wait. It's hard to not know all the answers. It's hard when it's your responsibility, and yet you don't know what to do. It's hard. How am I supposed to do this when I don't have all the answers? Duh, Betty. You KNOW Who has the answers. I just need to chill, and wait for the Heavenly Father to do His thing. You know, that THING that He does.....called taking care of His children, giving us everything we need, supplying wisdom and comfort, gathering the little children in His arms. Yeah, that thing.

I Love My Mommy

Hmmm.....something tells me that maybe he doesn't.....at least in THIS picture! Jack had his first official picture taken on Monday. It was quite a traumatic event, for mommy and for baby. Jack decided that he would throw a fit all morning long before we went to town. I was afraid that all of his pictures would have red eyes and cheeks in them, but he managed to calm down during the 25 minute car ride. He smiled and cooed for the photographer, and even managed some cute pics with mommy too. As soon as we get them, we'll post them.

Jack has been having trouble sleeping. Yesterday he was awake from 2:00 p.m. until 1:00 a.m., with the exception of a few 15 minute naps. He will go to sleep in his bed, and then 15 minutes later he will wake up screaming. He did this all day today as well. I finally held him on my chest for an hour so he could sleep, and he did, but that is all the nap that he has had since 11:00 a.m. this morning. I put him down on the couch this afternoon, and when he started crying 15 minutes later, he had a little bit of blood on his blanket. So I called the doctor and he has an appointment for 8:45 a.m. tomorrow. So, please pray for him, and for his parents. There was no obvious injury to his mouth or ears, and no injury to me (a bleeding nipple), so we're not sure where the blood came from. It's very frustrating and has made me quite uneasy. He is playing happily with daddy right now, as you will see at the end of today's post. Jeff flies Jack in the air and talks to him in this funny little baby voice, and Jack loves it! I will post more tomorrow after the doctor appointment.

Seasons

A friend of mine once told me, in reference to a child-rearing situation, this is just my "season" of life right now. I thought at the time that I understood what she meant, was sympathetic, and gave pretty good support. Now I'm wondering. I find myself in a "season" of life. It's called colic combined with acid reflux and tracheo malasia. Jack has progressed (or regressed, depending on how you look at it) from crying a couple hours a day to crying for most of the day, unless he is sleeping. He does have small periods of time when he is awake and not crying, mostly in the morning when he first wakes up. During those times he is smiling and happy, cooing and looking into my eyes. I keep that smile in my mind for the hours ahead. I know that he is not doing any of it on purpose, and so I try to be patient and realize that his crying really isn't any fun for him either.

For now, I realize that my greatest priority is just making it through the day being cheerful and thankful for where I am at. It is still my greatest dream come true, just a little louder than I had imagined! The gym will have to wait, my son is more important than my figure. Lunches out with friends that I haven't seen in weeks will also have to wait, although I beg those friends to keep praying for me as I minister to my child. This is my season, staying at home with my colicky baby, loving him and making him and his daddy my highest priority. It's not a hard choice--I am the luckiest woman alive--it's just hard to put to death those selfish feelings of me, me, me. But I can do "all things through Christ, who strengthens me".

This is Jack, in his car seat, on top of the dryer (while is was running). He actually took about an hour's nap on the dryer yesterday!

Ready To Go!

Jack went back to the doctor today. For the last couple of days he has cried inconsolably. He has acted as if he were in pain. We knew that babies his age had gas, but this seems a bit excessive. He doesn't want to eat and he's not sleeping well either. So, mommy called the doctor today and she said "bring him in"! So we went. The doctor thinks that he may be having a problem with milk proteins, so I've been ordered off dairy products for a week. She also thinks that his acid reflux could be a problem, so she gave a us a new medicine to try. He did have blood in his stool, and that's not a good sign, so we need to do something. Poor baby. His tummy really hurts. I had no idea how emotionally draining it would be on me for my child to be sick. When he cries, I feel like crying, because I know that he's trying to tell me how rotten he feels. It's exhausting. I know all the mothers out there (and I can just about pinpoint some specific ones) are smiling to themselves and thinking "boy, she doesn't even know the half of it". I've been around children and have had children in my life for sometime now, some that I loved as if they were my own, and I've been truly distressed when they were ill, but, good grief! This is terrible.

On a happier note, I took this picture of Jack today in a more calm moment before he went to the doctor. He was just so cute. He is wearing a coat that came especially for him from Shirley and Jim. They're from Wisconsin, so they know how to dress a baby warm. It is the most adorable little coat and he looks adorable in it.

Soooooo Big!

Several significant things have happened in the last couple of days. The night before last Jack slept from 1:00 a.m. until 6:00 a.m. When I realized what time it was in the morning, I jerked out of bed and lurched over the crib to see if my newborn were indeed still alive. And he was! He was just waking up, and very hungry! We thought maybe it was a fluke, but last night he slept from 12:00 a.m. until 5:30 a.m. I think that this could be called "sleeping through the night"! (Choir in the background singing "Hallelujah!") We're going to try it again tonight, and if it works, we're going to try it every other night after that until he goes to college!

Jack also had his 6 week checkup today. Dr. Woodman said that he was doing beautifully. She was very impressed with his ability to smile at us and to look directly in our eyes and follow movement with his eyes. She was also impressed with his weight gain. Just to recap, Jack weighed 6 lbs, 12 oz. when he was born. Three days after he was born he had gone down to 6 lbs, 8 oz. Two weeks after he was born he weight 7 lbs, 8 oz. Today he weighed in at a whopping 10 lbs, 4 oz.!!!!!!!! Wow. No wonder my back hurts!

It turns out that I have a kidney/bladder infection. We suspected as much, but it was confirmed on Tuesday and I started meds that afternoon. So far the only affect on little Jack is that it has turned his poop green. Green.....yellow.......ah, what's the difference? It hasn't affected its quantity OR frequency!

As I look back over the last 6 weeks I am so thankful for a healthy baby boy, a wonderful daddy to share him with, and lots and lots more fun in the weeks to come!

Sad Goodbyes

Bryan and Anne have just left the house to go back to Florida. We can't believe how fast the time went. We were so excited to have so many days and now they are gone and it's time to go. It's especially hard this time because we're not sure just when they are coming back. It will probably be a couple of months at the least. Jack will have changed so much in the time that they are gone. He may even be crawling by the time that they come back. I think he is sad. He didn't sleep very good last night. Daddy's sad, Mommy's sad, Anne and Bryan are sad, and I think that little Jack is sad too. Goodbyes are no fun at all. But we can look back on the week and be thankful for all the fun that we had and look forward to the next time with anticipation!

Happy New Year

New Year's Eve is a bittersweet holiday for me. It holds many memories, mostly good, but some very painful. It's a time to look back, and that is not something that I enjoy doing, but sometimes you have to look back to realize how far you've come. This year I take a moment to sit down and wish you a happy holiday, and to record for my son what he was doing on this momentous evening--his first New Year.

He's asleep.

My husband is downstairs with Anne and Bryan playing a game--laughing and having a great time. I can hear them from one floor away. Jack is upstairs in his little bed, dreaming of....what do babies dream about? Breasts full of milk? His daddy's face? At any rate, he is peaceful and so very sweet in his little bed.

And I am here, realizing with every tick of the clock that I am sooooooo blessed. I have a wonderful husband, and amazing children to share my life with. It doesn't completely erase what went on before. There was another life, not so long ago. There were other people that I loved and shared myself with. I wish them joy and happiness, and that they will trust God in the new year.

Well, it's time for me to join my family downstairs. I love them so much. God is so good to give me back ten-fold what was lost.

Happy New Year!

All Smiles

It's official. Jack smiles knowingly. He's not asleep or half asleep or even passing gas. It doesn't happen very often, but when it does it's enough to send everyone into fits of laughter because it is so darn cute. We haven't captured it on film yet, but we're working on it. Number one person that Jack smiles at--big sister Anne!

First Christmas

Merry Christmas, Baby Jack. You are the best Christmas present ever!

(And Merry Christmas to all of you as well!)

The Preposition "On"

The other day Jeff and I were talking about all of the things that we have experienced with the birth of Jack. I started naming off a list of things that had particularly happened to me, and Jeff turned to me and said, "You're prepositionally challenged!" He's right. See for yourself.

In four weeks I have been:
Cried on
Sneezed on
Puked on
Pooped on
Peed on
Sucked on
Burped on
Boogered on
Slept on
Screamed on
Tooted on
Breathed on
Gazed on
Splashed on
Frowned on
Smiled on
Loved on

The list goes on
And isn't he worth every one?

New Discovery

I've come to the realization that Jack is just a fussy baby. Isn't there an old wives tale that if you have an easy pregnancy and easy delivery, you won't have an easy baby? Well, I'm beginning to believe it. He is just the sweetest baby ever....when he's asleep, or being snuggled by mommy in a certain position (me laying back with him on my chest). But if he's awake and not being snuggled in exactly the right position, then he is generally crying. Now that we've got him sleeping at night, the crying is much more bearable during the day, but it is still crying none-the-less.

Today, however, I discovered the stroller. I remembered that in the nursery at church nothing will soothe a baby faster than putting him in a stroller and wheeling him around the nursery at top speed. I myself have done this several times. So, I thought, why not try it at home? It worked! He's asleep right now, in his room, in his stroller, and I have time to sit and write!

Under The Weather

Mommy's not feeling good today. It's a good thing she's got this sweet baby boy to keep her company. He's better than any cat and doesn't shed at all.

Happy Friday!

I sat down to blog and realized that I don't really have anything significant to write about. Things are going really well. Jack is still sleeping most of the night--at least enough of it that I don't feel like I'm walking around like a zombie! We've dug out the Christmas decorations and have a tree up, and we are eagerly anticipating Jack's first Christmas and Anne and Bryan's journey home! We can't wait to have all our kids together under one roof again. It's hard being apart, and we really want Jack to grow up with his brother and sister so they will be close.

One random thought: It seems kind of sad to me that my days have so run together that I have to check my own blog to find out what the date is. Hmmmmm.....

Let It Snow!

This post is for Anne and Bryan. Hi guys! I thought that you might like to see what it looks like here. I think that there could be some snow fort building in your immediate future. Yahoooooo! And if the snow is not deep enough for a fort, then your dad will just go get on the tractor and pile it all up for you!

Too Cute

More pictures of my favorite men.

Like Father, Like Son

Since the moment that little Jack came into this world, his biggest fan has been his daddy. During the labor and delivery Jeff was by my side, helping me, encouraging me, giving me a play-by-play account of what was happening "down there" where I couldn't see. But from that incredible moment when Jack was born, I lost a little part of him. Don't worry, I'm not jealous. I'm only too happy that Jeff is so in love with his son. I never dreamed that I would have this much of a partner, a husband to link hands with me in this unbelievable journey called "having a child". I could not ask for a better daddy for my baby or a better husband.

Before Jack was born, his Grandma Poo gave me some things that were Jeff's when he was a baby. There were several little outfits and a beautiful blanket. I was so glad to have them. A friend of mine once taught me the importance of saving those memories, so I was thrilled to be able to pass these treasures on to Jack. After Jack was born, she got out Jeff's baby book and gave that to me. In the first few pages of his book was a picture that took my breath away. There, staring back at me, was what I could have sworn was a picture of my son, only it was his father. There is NO doubt about "who" Jack looks like. So tonight I dressed Jack in the same little outfit that Jeff's mommy dressed Jeff in, and took his picture. Grandma Poo, that picture is for you, for being such a good mommy to my baby's daddy. Thank you.

Encouragement

I received this email from my very good friend, Lisa, and it was such an encouragement that I thought I would share it with you. Lis, hope you don't mind!

Regarding "tracheo malasia":
Welcome to my world. That is exactly what Justin has.
Don't you just love the "HONK"! Justin really struggled in the beginning with it, but I promise it gets better. Often when he would start the sound, I would hold him in my hand, on his stomach, face looking at the floor. This is what the doctor taught us. The from part of the neck is the floppy air way, so if you have that hang down it IMMEDIATELY opens back up. It worked every time. He slept in our room for 6 months. He still has it at 4 1/2 years old, but it only happens when he throws a screaming fit, or has alot of coughing, and is forcing it to work hard.
Doctor says it is not the norm, but not rare to have it last this long. Justin can control it himself now.

I think the more common time frame is around 2 years old. Hopefully Jack will follow that pattern.

I am glad you have your mother-in-law. We went to the ER and then to the pediatrician before we got a diagnosis.

I know how scary it is, but I PROMISE it will not always be this way. Once he can roll over well, it gets alot better!

This email came on the discovery that if we put Jack on his tummy, the "honking" and troubled breathing stops. There is something about having him turned that way (facing down) that opens up his airway. I am SO pleased to report that he has slept almost ALL night now for TWO nights on his tummy--only waking up once in the night to eat. I am still feeling pretty sleep deprived from the last three weeks of no sleep, but I'm starting to get better with the "extra" sleep from the last two nights.

I know, I'm NOT supposed to let him sleep on his tummy. I struggled horribly with this. The bottom line is: he was having so much trouble breathing laying on his back, that the risk of his having an apnea seemed greater or at least as great as him laying on his tummy, so I turned him over. When I saw how much better he breathed, and how deeper he slept, I realized that this is one baby that needs to be on his tummy. So, mommies and doctors out there in cyberland, don't judge me too harshly, please! He is in God's hands, and if God wills that he should have SIDS, no amount of my staying awake in the night or turning him on his back will stop it. Instead, I believe that for us, right now, God wills that my baby get a good night's sleep and that I get a good night's sleep. So tummy it is. Thank you, Lisa, for the email and letting me know that I am not alone and that Jack will be alright!!

Wilbur

This is Wilbur. He is a horse/pacifier that Grandma Poo brought home from her hospital. Jack is still getting used to him, but I just think he's so dang cute, I keep sticking him in his mouth!