Saturday, October 20, 2007

Good News........I Feel Terrible!

It is strange how clearly you can see things in the past once time has passed and circumstances have changed. I look back on the second pregnancy and realize that things were wrong from the beginning. I thought I was sick, and I know that I certainly didn't feel good, but compared to how I've been feeling the last few days, I was hardly sick at all. It has also brought back memories of my pregnancy with Jack even clearer--this is how intense it was with him.

And yet, it is a little bit different, too. With Jack I couldn't eat, even though I needed to, and with this one I HAVE to eat. It's like I don't have a choice. I can be laying there thinking, "I need to throw up" and in the same second thinking "I need to eat". The two do NOT go together very well, since the last thing my stomach is telling me is that I need to put something in my mouth, and yet, I am compelled to eat. It's really weird. It's also completely consuming. I spend most of my time running through a list of foods in my brain, testing them to see if they would be an acceptable choice--does it sound remotely good? Will I feel like I want to throw up after I eat it? Can I put it in my mouth without gagging? Ugggh. It's exhausting. For instance, Jeff just ran into town to the hardware store, and after he left I immediately starting thinking about the fast food places that he would pass to and from the store. Is there something there that I could eat? Hmmmmmm, cheeseburger? No. French fries? Blechy. Chicken nuggets? Gag. Salad? Hmm...with that raspberry vineagrette dressing I have in the fridge? Well, maybe. So I immediately place the call to Jeff, and now I have a Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad coming from McDonald's. Let's hope he gets here soon before I change my mind.

It's very hard. For some reason, I think it must have to do with the hormone surges that make me feel sick, but I also have horrible hot flashes and feel achy all over--has anyone else every experienced this? There are times that I could swear I am running a fever. It only happens when I am feeling extremely sick, usually at night, around the same time every night. I actually can feel the sickness coming on because I start to feel achy, then feverish, and then, bam! The wave hits! I have not actually thrown up. I only feel as though I might at any time. I do gag alot, and Jeff has suggested that I go make myself throw up, which would be very easy to do, but I'm afraid that if I do that I won't be able to stop. I don't like to throw up, but I can handle it if I do. I actually know someone who is 35 and hasn't thrown up since, like, second grade, and I find myself thinking, what would he do if felt like this? Crazy thoughts like that enter your brain at random while all of this is going on.

The good news is......this is an indication of good hormones, and good hormones means healthy baby. I am by no means bemoaning the fact that I am pregnant. I know that this is all a good sign, and can remember with my miscarriage that by this stage in the game I had already begun to lose my morning sickness. So, I am willing to deal with it, but it does get the better of me--alot. Jeff has been great in reminding me that it will pass, and that I can make it. This is hard for him too, in a different way. I think he feels helpless alot.

I'm continuing to sing with worship team at church, but I'm not sure how long it will last. I just keep telling myself that once this phase is over I will really feel great and be sorry that I gave it up. So I am really trying to hang in there. Last Sunday was very hard, and I got very sick Sunday night, but the good thing is that I feel the best first thing in the morning, so hopefully I can stay the course. Singing seems to make me feel better.

Well, this has been one long ramble about me, me, me, hasn't it? Sorry, it's kind of therapeutic to talk about it, and well, this is my blog after all. I have to stop now though, because the pressing thoughts about the Chicken Bacon Ranch Salad are starting to overpower my ability to construct coherent sentences.

7 comments:

Angie Martens said...

Betty,

Congrats!! We're so happy for you and Jeff.

Your posting sounded like you were writing in MY journal when I had my 3rd, Katie - very similar issues. The only thing that worked for me was very cold apple juice. I detest apple juice (before the pregnancy and from the day she was born), but it was soooo goood during that pregnancy and the only thing that kept the gagging to a minimum. It was so bad that Mark would have to get up in the a.m. and bring me cold juice in a glass with ice, because I couldn't even make it to the kitchen to pour my own without...well, you probably get the picture. I drank it throughout the day and it helped. One of my son's music teachers (now 22 weeks along) said she was having the same trouble, gave the apple juice a try and loved it - she said it helped her too. Just thought I'd share; hope it helps!!

Angie Martens
angie@creativityltd.com

Molly said...

Oh, Betty, I'm sorry you feel so sick, but at the same time, I'm glad you do! I know you understand that sentence. :) I understand what you mean about the sickies, I was sick with this pregnancy longer than any of the other 3 (I won't mention how long, but it HAS passed!) and you are right, the food issue can be consuming trying to figure out what you can or cannot eat...and then eating it before it doesn't sound good any more! :) Ugh! It's crazy (but worth it) what we go thru for these little munchkins, isn't it?! :) Hang in there. I'm praying for you.

Leanne said...

Betty...
I have been HOT AND ACHY for over 4 months. I can't sleep in the bed with my hubby because I am SO HOT!! My whole first trimester was obsessed with thoughts of "I need to throw up/ I need to eat". Sometimes, I just ate, so I could get it over with!
Can I say, though....I am happy for you! I think its harder when you have a toddler (or 2 in my case)... because they just don't get it!
I will be praying for you...
Love,
Leanne

Dana said...

Awww Betty....you poor thing. It is no fun, but your right it means the baby is growing if those hormones are making you feel so sick and yucky! I'm so excited for you all! Thanks again for having us out for the bonfire, it was a blast. I posted some pics on my blog....there is a CUTE one of you and Jack!

Danna said...

Huge Congrats!!! I'm pukey with you, ironically enough, b/c we're currently cooking number four. Sounds like everything's as it should be with this one for you, & I'm glad. :o)

Gaylene said...

Okay, I know nothing of any of this... but I know I love you and am praying for it to pass as soon as necessary! Love you!
G

Betty 'Rie said...

Angie--I will try the apple juice! It's weird how even drinks are affected. About the only thing that sounds good is water and some kind of juice. I will definitely try the apple.

Molly--my infirmities seem so small in light of someone who has done this four times now!

Leanne--I thought I had it bad! At least I can still sleep in the bed with Jeff! I've been praying for you!

Dana--I LOVE that picture! Will you send me the file?

Danna--Thanks for the encouragement--I saw that you were "unexpectedly expecting" too. Congrats and remember that God won't give you anything you can't handle!

Gaylene--thank you, sister. Are you home now?