Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Our Little Girl
From the moment that I discovered I was pregnant, I was SURE that I was having a girl. I don't know why, but I just felt that as the mother I had this "sense" that I would know the sex of my child. I passed this on to Jeff, who was only too happy to believe me. We named her. Grace Renae Gray. "Gracie" for short. Jeff would talk to her and I would answer back in this little Gracie voice. It was so real. I imagined what she would look like and what I would dress her in. I had her room all planned out in my mind. I saw us walking together out in the fall leaves, this little curly blonde-haired girl named Gracie. We were so excited when we went for our first ultrasound. It was an unusually clear picture. We saw her little hands, her little feet, her kidneys, her bladder, her legs, her.......what the heck was that? Um, seems that Gracie isn't a Gracie after all. We were STUNNED. Jeff was very excited. After all, he didn't care if it was a boy or a girl, and neither did I, except........if it was really a boy, then where would Gracie go? You see, she was already real in my mind. I had made her up. I was a little sad--not that I was getting a boy--but that there would be no Grace. She is still there in my mind, my little girl, just waiting for the right time. But now there is this sweet baby boy. This boy who kicks me and has the hiccups. Baby Jack, with his little foot that moves when I push on it and turns little flip flops. His room doesn't look at all like Grace's. It's red, white and blue with an American flag border on it that says the Pledge of Allegiance. All of his baby blue clothes are waiting for him to wear. I couldn't be more in love with him if I tried and he's not even here yet. Don't worry Grace, your time may come. For now my world is filled with Jack.